Breakup Stages for a Man: 7 Steps to Moving On Stronger

Breakups are tough, but they can be especially tough on guys. Society often tells men they shouldn’t show their feelings. It’s like there’s this unspoken rule that guys need to be strong and not let on that they’re hurting. This can make a breakup feel really lonely because it’s harder to talk about what you’re going through.

So, what does the breakup process look like for a man? Well, it’s helpful to think of it as a series of stages. A breakup can be emotionally devastating, almost like you’re grieving a loss. In fact, many people find that going through a breakup is similar to going through the stages of grief.

These stages aren’t always linear, and you might bounce back and forth between them. But understanding them can help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster. In this article, we’ll walk through some of the common stages of breakup for a man, including:

• Ambivalence
• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance
• Growth

Remember, healing takes time. Be kind to yourself, practice some self-care, and don’t be afraid to reach out for support. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to ask for help. You’ll get through this.

STAGE 1: AMBIVALENCE – The Seeds of Doubt

Before the breakup, there’s often a period of ambivalence. You might feel mixed up, confused, and uncertain about the relationship. You start to question whether the relationship has a future.

What does ambivalence look like in a man? He might:

• Become more irritable or distant from his partner
• Daydream about being single or being with someone else
• Withdraw emotionally and become less intimate

During this stage, a man might feel an internal conflict, weighing the good parts of the relationship with the bad. He might be scared of the unknown and all the ways a breakup could affect his life.

If you’re in this stage, what can you do? Start by being honest with yourself. What do you really need and want in a relationship? If you can, talk to your partner about your concerns (only if it feels safe to do so). You might also talk to trusted friends or a therapist to get an objective perspective on your feelings and the relationship.

STAGE 2: DENIAL AND SHOCK – The Initial Numbness

Okay, so the breakup happened. And… nothing. Or, at least, not what you expected. You might feel surprisingly okay, almost detached. This is often the denial stage kicking in. Denial is a defense mechanism, a way for your brain to cushion the blow. As breakup coach Lee Wilson puts it, “Denial is a protective mechanism that absorbs the pain as we slowly deal with a shifting reality.”

You might downplay how important the relationship was, tell yourself it wasn’t that serious, or even refuse to believe it’s really over. Maybe you’re thinking, “She’ll come back,” or “This is just a temporary thing.” This denial is wrapped up in shock, a feeling of disbelief. It’s like you’re numb, struggling to process the reality of the situation. Understanding the stages and timeline for the dumper may provide additional insights. You might even feel like you’re stuck in a bad dream, waiting to wake up.

This denial can manifest in different ways. You might continue acting as if the relationship is still ongoing – checking her social media constantly, driving by her house, or even texting her like nothing happened. You might actively avoid anything that reminds you of her – deleting photos, avoiding your favorite restaurant, or changing your usual routine.

So, how do you break through this wall of denial? First, you have to acknowledge the reality of the situation. Don’t lie to yourself. As Wilson emphasizes, “You have to be honest with yourself and define your truth.” This means accepting that the relationship is over, even if it hurts. Second, allow yourself to feel those emotions you’ve been pushing down. It’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, or even relieved. Don’t try to suppress these feelings; let them flow. Finally, share the news with loved ones. Talking about it with friends and family can help you process what happened and start to move forward.

STAGE 3: ANGER AND RESENTMENT – The Eruption of Emotion

Breakups hurt. Sometimes they hurt a lot. And when you’re hurting, feeling angry is a natural response.

“It’s natural to feel angry in these circumstances,” says certified life coach and speaker Nic Patino, “because you’re feeling hurt, betrayed, and rejected. Your ego has taken a hit.”

What triggers anger in men after a breakup?

• Feeling unfairly blamed for the breakup.
• Feeling resentment toward an ex-partner for perceived wrongs.
• Feeling frustrated with yourself for mistakes you made in the relationship.

The key is to channel that anger in constructive ways.

Healthy outlets for anger

• Exercise. Physical activity can help you release pent-up energy and reduce stress.
• Creative expression. Art, music, or writing can give you an outlet for emotional release.
• Assertive communication. Express your feelings in a calm and respectful manner (when appropriate).

It’s equally important to avoid destructive behaviors fueled by anger:

• Substance abuse. Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain will only make things worse.
• Aggression. Physical or verbal attacks toward the ex-partner or others is never the answer.
• Badmouthing the ex. It’s tempting to trash talk your ex, but avoid it. You’ll only look bad.

Setting boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is critical to protecting yourself from further emotional harm. That means:

• Avoiding contact with the ex. As tempting as it is to check in on your ex’s social media or text them, resist the urge. It only slows down your progress because you’re occupying your brain with thoughts of their activities and whereabouts.

Patino agrees. “You need to remove yourself from the situation,” he says, “and let yourself heal.”

STAGE 4: BARGAINING AND NEGOTIATION – The “What Ifs”

Bargaining is all about trying to regain control, trying to rewind time and undo the breakup. It’s about “what ifs” and fantasies of getting back together, of making things right.

So, what does bargaining look like in practice? For men, it often takes the form of:

• Promising to change. “I’ll be better, I swear!” It’s about acknowledging flaws (real or perceived) and vowing to fix them.
• Offering gifts and favors. Think grand gestures, attempts to “win back” the ex with material things.
• Pleading for another chance. Begging, essentially, hoping to reignite the spark.

But here’s the thing: bargaining rarely works. In fact, it can actually make things worse. It prolongs the pain, keeps you stuck in the past, and prevents you from truly accepting the breakup. It’s like picking at a scab – you’re just delaying the healing process and risking further infection (in this case, further disappointment and rejection).

So how do you resist the urge to bargain? It’s tough, but here are a few strategies:

• Remind yourself that the relationship ended for a reason. Don’t romanticize the past.
• Focus on yourself. Now is the time to invest in personal growth, to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.
• Go no contact. Seriously. Cut off communication as much as possible to minimize temptation and give yourself space to heal.

Bargaining is a natural part of the grieving process, but it’s important to recognize it for what it is: a way to avoid the pain of acceptance. The sooner you can move past this stage, the sooner you can start to heal and move forward.

STAGE 5: DEPRESSION AND SADNESS – The Weight of Loss

Okay, deep breaths. This stage can feel like you’re wading through mud, but it’s a crucial part of the process. Breakups are losses, plain and simple. They trigger grief, and grief brings sadness and, sometimes, depression. It’s normal to feel this way. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

But what does this sadness look like in guys? It can manifest in a few ways:

• A persistent feeling of sadness, hopelessness, or just emptiness. Like a void you can’t quite fill.
• Losing interest in things you used to love. That band you were obsessed with? Meh. Friday night poker with the guys? Suddenly sounds exhausting.
• Changes in your appetite or sleep. Maybe you’re not hungry, or you’re stress-eating everything in sight. Maybe you can’t sleep, or maybe you’re sleeping all the time.
• Fatigue and a general lack of energy. Just getting through the day feels like a Herculean effort.
• Trouble focusing or making decisions. Your brain feels foggy, and you can’t seem to think straight.

If these symptoms feel overwhelming or persistent, it’s time to reach out for help. “In this state, it is particularly recommended that you seek the help of a professional mental health clinician who can help you navigate the loss and process the feelings of sadness,” says Dr. de Llano.

Don’t be afraid to lean on your friends and family, too. “Keep yourself surrounded by those that help you feel most supported,” says de Llano. Talk to them. Let them know you’re struggling. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say.

And most importantly, take care of yourself. That means:

• Prioritizing sleep, exercise, and nutrition. Fuel your body and mind.
• Engaging in activities that bring you joy. Even if you don’t feel like it, force yourself to do something you used to enjoy. You might be surprised at how much it helps.
• Practicing mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques. Meditation, deep breathing, yoga – whatever works for you.
• Allowing yourself to grieve. Don’t bottle up your emotions. Cry if you need to cry. Let it out.

This stage is tough, but you’ll get through it. Remember to be kind to yourself, seek support when you need it, and focus on healing. You’ve got this.

STAGE 6: ACCEPTANCE AND HEALING – Rebuilding and Reframing

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re happy about the breakup. It just means you acknowledge that the relationship is over, that you can’t salvage it, and that you’re ready to move forward.

This stage is about shifting your perspective. Instead of dwelling on the loss, you start to see the breakup as an opportunity for growth. You reframe the narrative. “It’s over” becomes “It’s over, and I’m going to be okay.”

Forgiveness is a huge part of the healing process. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made during the relationship. Forgiveness is a huge part of the healing process. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made during the relationship. Forgive your ex for whatever role they played in the breakup. Holding onto resentment will only hold you back. Holding onto resentment will only hold you back.

Now’s the time to focus on yourself. What did you learn from the relationship? What did you learn from the breakup? What are your new goals? What are your passions? It’s time to rediscover who you are and what you want out of life. Reconnect with old hobbies, try new things, and build a life that’s fulfilling and meaningful, with or without a romantic partner. This is your chance to create the life you’ve always wanted.

STAGE 7: GROWTH AND MOVING ON – Embracing the Future

The final stage is all about growth. You’re stronger, wiser, and more resilient than you ever thought possible. You’ve recognized your own strength and the ability to bounce back.

Now, it’s time to build a new identity and sense of self. What do you like to do? What are your hobbies? What interests you? This is the time to explore those things and maybe even find new ones. It’s also a time to think about the kind of relationships you want in your life.

Cultivate gratitude for the past and excitement for the future. Even though the breakup was painful, try to find the positive aspects of the relationship. What did you learn? What good times did you share? And now, what are you looking forward to?

Finally, embrace new relationships with a healthy perspective. Be open to new connections, but also be mindful of repeating past mistakes. You’ve learned a lot about yourself and what you want in a partner. Use that knowledge to build healthier, happier relationships in the future.

Frequently Asked Questions

Putting It All Together

Breakups are rarely easy, and men often go through a complex series of emotional phases, including ambivalence, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and eventually, growth. Each stage presents its own challenges, and navigating them takes time and self-awareness.

It’s vital to be kind to yourself during this time. As de Llano says, “Be patient with yourself and the process. Avoid putting pressure on yourself to ‘just get over it.'” Lean on your support network, whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, and allow yourself the space to grieve and heal.

Remember, breakups can be a catalyst for positive change. They offer a chance to re-evaluate your priorities, discover new passions, and ultimately build a more fulfilling life. While it may not feel like it now, there is the potential for significant personal growth.

The process can be undeniably difficult, but you have the strength to move forward. You will get through this and find happiness again. Give yourself the time and space you need, and you’ll emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side.