Does it ever feel like you’re always the one making the plans? Many women feel that they’re constantly initiating in their relationships, and it can lead to frustration and resentment. Perhaps you feel like you have to initiate everything?
It can create a dynamic where you feel like you’re doing all the work, and it’s easy to feel like the relationship is unbalanced.
Why is it so important for him to take the lead sometimes? Often, men see the “chase” as part of what makes a relationship fun and exciting. When he steps up to initiate, it can be a signal that he’s truly interested and invested in you.
This guide is here to help you shift that dynamic. You’ll find actionable strategies that can encourage him to initiate plans without playing silly games. The goal is a healthy, balanced relationship where both partners are contributing and feel valued.
So, if you’re tired of always being the one to make the calls, read on for tips on how to get him to initiate plans and create a more fulfilling connection.
Understanding male attraction and the “chase”
Let’s talk about the old-fashioned idea of “the chase.” You may have heard that men like to chase, and women like to be chased. Is there any truth to that?
The psychology of the chase
Some research suggests that men are, in fact, wired to enjoy the pursuit. When a man achieves a goal — whether that’s getting your number or landing a date — it can trigger a sense of accomplishment. The effort he puts in makes him value the relationship even more.
But constantly initiating dates and activities can discourage a man from stepping up and making plans himself. If you’re always the one doing the work, he might not feel the need to. Plus, putting in too much effort can be interpreted as neediness, which isn’t usually attractive.
The importance of physical attraction
It’s not shallow to say that physical attraction is a crucial component of male attraction. It’s often the initial spark that ignites his interest. Taking care of your appearance and presenting yourself confidently can go a long way.
However, don’t think that’s all it takes. A strong personality and confidence are equally crucial for long-term attraction. It’s important to show off your passions and interests. This makes you far more intriguing than your looks alone.
Cultivating Independence and a Life Outside of Him
One of the most effective (and, frankly, healthiest) ways to encourage a guy to initiate plans is to cultivate your own independent life. Don’t orbit around him; be your own planet.
What does this look like in practice? It means:
- Having your own hobbies and interests: Join a book club, take a pottery class, volunteer at an animal shelter, train for a marathon. Fill your time with things you enjoy.
- Maintaining your friendships: Don’t let your friendships wither. Spend time with your friends, nurture those relationships, and lean on them for support.
- Pursuing your own goals and passions: What are you working towards? What are you passionate about? Keep striving towards those goals, whether it’s a career aspiration, a creative project, or a personal challenge.
Why is this important? Because a woman with her own life is inherently more attractive. It signals that you’re not dependent on him for your happiness or fulfillment. It shows him you’re self-sufficient, confident, and interesting.
Furthermore, distance truly makes the heart grow fonder. Spending time apart gives him the space to miss you, to think about you, and to realize how much he enjoys your company. If you’re always available, you become less of a priority. But if he knows you have a full and exciting life, he’ll be more motivated to reach out and make plans to see you. Being busy makes you desirable, because it shows that you have a life outside of him.
Ultimately, cultivating independence isn’t just about getting him to initiate plans; it’s about building a fulfilling and meaningful life for yourself, regardless of your relationship status. And that, in turn, will make you a more attractive and desirable partner.
Mastering the art of subtle hints and feminine magnetism
Want to know how to get him to initiate plans? The key is to spark his interest and desire to pursue you, without taking over the planning yourself. Here’s how to do it:
Showing interest without overdoing it
It’s a delicate dance: signaling that you’re interested, but not doing all the work. Let him know you’re receptive to his attention by:
- Making eye contact and smiling.
- Engaging in conversation and asking him about himself.
You want to be approachable and fun to talk to, but not so eager that he feels like he doesn’t have to put in any effort.
The power of flirting
Flirting is an art form. Master it, and you’ll be well on your way. Use playful banter and light teasing to create a spark between you. A flirty text or a well-placed picture can pique his interest and make him want to see you. But what if you’re the one wondering, “I wish she would text me?”
For example, you might say, “I’m thinking about trying that new restaurant downtown. I hear the desserts are amazing…but I need someone to share them with.” (Wink, wink.)
Unleashing your feminine magnetism
This is where things get interesting. “Feminine energy” is about receptivity, grace, and intuition. It’s about being present in the moment and enjoying the connection you’re building.
To embrace your feminine energy:
- Focus on being present and enjoying the moment, rather than worrying about the future or replaying the past.
- Practice active listening when he’s talking.
- Be open to receiving his attention and affection.
Confidence is key
Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Radiate confidence in your interactions with him. Believe in your worth and value. Know that you have something special to offer.
When you’re confident, you’re not afraid to be yourself. You’re not afraid to express your opinions and desires. And that’s incredibly magnetic.
Creating Mystery and Intrigue
Okay, so you want him to take the reins and start initiating plans, right? A little mystery can go a long way. Think of yourself as a captivating novel – you don’t want to give away the entire plot in the first chapter!
First, try being a little less forthcoming. I don’t mean be secretive, but don’t spill everything about yourself right away. Let him peel back the layers gradually. The less he knows upfront, the more he’ll want to discover.
Next, master the art of suggestion. Instead of saying, “Let’s go to that new Italian place on Friday night,” try something like, “I’ve been craving Italian lately…” Leave it open-ended. This plants the seed and gives him the opportunity to take the lead and actually plan the date.
Finally, withholding a little information can work wonders. It’s human nature to crave what we can’t easily get. If he asks what you’re doing this weekend, instead of listing every single detail, say, “Oh, just a few things… it should be fun!” Let him wonder. Let him be intrigued. The more he wonders, the more likely he is to want to be a part of your world – and to initiate plans to make that happen.
Remember, a little mystery keeps things interesting! Don’t be an open book; be a captivating story he can’t wait to read.
Communication Strategies: Encouraging Him to Initiate
So, how do you encourage him to step up and start planning dates and activities?
Responding to His Initiations
One of the easiest (and most effective) strategies is to heap praise on him when he does make an effort.
Show Appreciation: When he suggests a movie night, a weekend hike, or even just picking up dinner, let him know how much you appreciate it. Enthusiasm is key! This reinforces the positive behavior and makes him feel good about taking the initiative.
Avoid Taking Over: Even if his planning skills aren’t exactly top-tier, resist the urge to swoop in and control everything. Offer suggestions, help him brainstorm ideas, but let him be the one to actually make the reservations, buy the tickets, or choose the restaurant. He needs to feel like he’s actually leading the charge.
Gently Communicating Your Needs
Direct communication is often the best approach, but it’s all about how you phrase it.
Express Your Desire (Without Demanding): Instead of saying, “You never plan anything!” try something like, “I really enjoy it when you plan our dates. It makes me feel so special.” Frame it as a preference, not a complaint. A little appreciation can go a long way!
Focus on Positive Reinforcement: Highlight the benefits of him taking the lead. “I love it when you surprise me with a new restaurant. You always pick the best places!” This shows him that his efforts are not only appreciated but also bring you genuine joy. Men are simple creatures, and they generally want to make you happy.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls and Red Flags
It’s important to remember that not every guy is going to be a perfect fit, and sometimes, the best thing you can do is recognize when to move on.
Don’t Chase: Recognizing When to Walk Away
If he consistently fails to initiate or show interest, take that as a sign. What does it mean if a guy doesn’t text you for 2 days? It’s possible he’s not genuinely invested in the relationship. You deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you and makes an effort to do so. Don’t be afraid to cut your losses and move on to someone who appreciates you.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Be wary of men who are consistently unreliable or who always have an excuse for not putting in the effort. Empty promises are a major red flag. Pay attention to his actions, not just his words. Does he say he wants to see you but never actually make concrete plans? That’s a sign he might not be as interested as he claims.
Trust Your Intuition
This is huge. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t ignore your gut feeling. If you feel like you’re constantly trying to force something that isn’t there, it’s time to re-evaluate the situation. Trust your instincts; they’re usually right.
Frequently Asked Questions
What to do when a guy isn’t making plans?
If a guy consistently isn’t making plans, it’s time for some honest self-reflection and direct communication. First, ask yourself if you’re happy being the sole initiator. If not, communicate this to him gently but clearly. Say something like, “I really enjoy spending time with you, and I’d love it if you felt comfortable suggesting some activities too.” Gauge his reaction. Is he receptive and apologetic, or does he become defensive? His response will tell you a lot.
How do I get him to take initiative?
Encourage initiative by positively reinforcing when he does plan something. Shower him with appreciation and enthusiasm. You can also try dropping hints about things you’d enjoy doing, but without directly suggesting a date. For example, “I’ve been dying to check out that new exhibit at the museum.” This plants the seed without putting pressure on him. You can also try taking a step back. Stop initiating for a bit and see if he steps up.
Do guys like when girls initiate plans?
This is a mixed bag! Some guys absolutely love it when a girl initiates, seeing it as confident and refreshing. Others might prefer to be the one in control and feel less masculine if a girl always initiates. The key is to gauge his personality and comfort level. If he seems hesitant or uncomfortable when you initiate, it might be best to scale back and let him take the lead sometimes. Open communication is the best way to figure out what works for both of you.
To conclude
Ultimately, getting someone to initiate plans starts with focusing on yourself. Remember your worth and value, and be patient. Trust that the right person will eventually pursue you, and that forcing the issue will only lead to frustration.
Let go of the need to control everything. Allow him to step up and take the lead. If you’re always the one planning dates and activities, he may never feel the need to.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual effort and respect. Strive for a dynamic where both partners feel valued and appreciated. If you’re always initiating, it might be time to re-evaluate the dynamic and ensure that both of your needs are being met. Don’t settle for less than you deserve!