It’s incredibly frustrating when someone only contacts you when it suits them. You’re left wondering what’s going on and why you’re not a priority. This kind of inconsistent communication can make you feel used and unappreciated, throwing the whole relationship off balance.
What does it mean when someone’s attention and affection are “conditional?” It means they’re not consistently there for you. Their interest seems to come and go based on what’s convenient for them, and that often points to a lack of real commitment.
If you find yourself thinking, “he only contacts me when it suits him,” you’re not alone. This article will explore some of the telltale signs of this behavior, discuss the reasons why someone might act this way, and offer some advice on how to handle the situation. You deserve to be with someone who values you consistently, not just when it’s convenient.
Recognizing the Signs: Is He Only There When It’s Convenient?
It’s a question that gnaws at you: Is this person truly invested in our connection, or am I just a convenient option when they’re bored or need something?
Here are a few signs that might suggest you’re dealing with someone who only reaches out when it suits them:
Inconsistent Communication and Availability
- Sporadic contact: Does this person only reach out when they need something, or when they’re bored? It might feel like their attention is inconsistent, and there’s a lack of consistent effort to stay connected.
- Availability limited to specific times or situations: Are they only around for the good times, but disappear when you need support? Do they seem to avoid unexpected encounters, preferring to keep interactions scheduled and controlled?
Emotional Distance and Lack of Investment
- Avoidance of deeper conversations and emotional vulnerability: Do they shy away from difficult conversations, preferring to stick to superficial topics? Do they seem to steer clear of anything that requires emotional investment or vulnerability?
- Lack of interest in your life, goals, and concerns: Do they seem genuinely interested in what’s going on in your world? Or do they show little effort to learn about your passions, support your ambitions, or even just listen when you need to vent?
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
- Inconsistencies between promises and follow-through: Do their words match their actions? Do they make plans that are often canceled, forgotten, or only half-heartedly followed through on? These can be red flags to watch.
- Unwillingness to compromise or make sacrifices: Are they willing to meet you halfway, or do they consistently prioritize their own needs and desires above yours? Is there a sense that the relationship is a one-way street?
If you’re noticing a pattern of these behaviors, it’s worth considering whether this person is truly invested in a meaningful connection, or if you’re simply a convenient option in their life.
Decoding the Behavior: Why is he only contacting me when it suits him?
It’s frustrating when someone only contacts you when it’s convenient for them. It leaves you wondering what’s going on in their head. Here are a few possible reasons why he might be acting this way.
Fear of Commitment and Emotional Intimacy
Does he clam up the minute you try to define the relationship? Or does he change the subject whenever you mention the future? He might be afraid of commitment.
Men and women who fear commitment may have a hard time opening up and being emotionally vulnerable. He might be charming and attentive when you’re together but strangely distant when you’re apart. If he struggles to build emotional intimacy, he may have a hard time with long-term commitment.
Self-Centered Tendencies and Prioritization of Needs
Is he using you for personal gain or emotional validation? Does the relationship primarily serve his needs and desires? He may be self-centered.
Self-centered people often lack empathy and don’t consider your feelings. He might not be interested in pleasing you or might minimize your concerns and dismiss your emotions. In short, he’s thinking of himself first, or just not that into you.
Unresolved Personal Issues and Insecurities
He might be using your relationship to fill a void or escape personal problems. Is he seeking validation or distraction from other areas of his life? If so, he may have unresolved personal issues.
He might also be afraid of rejection or abandonment, which leads to inconsistent behavior. Is he subconsciously pushing you away to avoid getting hurt? It’s possible.
Red Flags to Watch Out For: Beyond the Obvious
So, he only calls when it’s convenient for him. Maybe you already know, deep down, that something isn’t quite right. But sometimes it helps to have it spelled out. Here are some red flags to watch out for that go beyond the obvious signs of a user.
- Drunk texting and late-night booty calls. Does he only drunk text you? Is it always late at night? When inhibitions are lowered, the truth often comes out. If he’s only contacting you when he’s not thinking clearly, that’s a problem.
- Secrecy and privacy surrounding his phone and social media. Is he weirdly protective of his phone? Does he hesitate to show you what he’s been up to online? If he’s hiding something, that’s a huge red flag.
- Avoiding introductions to friends and family. Has he kept you separate from the rest of his life? Is he reluctant to introduce you to his friends or family? It could be a sign that he doesn’t see a future with you.
- Reluctance to spend quality time together outside of specific situations. Does he only want to see you if sex is on the table? Are your dates limited to his place, or other convenient locations? If he doesn’t want to put in the effort to actually date you, something’s up.
- Canceling dates for seemingly better offers. Does he cancel your dates to come over to your house instead? Does he prioritize other things over the time you’ve scheduled together? It shows where you fall on his list of priorities.
If you’re seeing any of these red flags, it’s time to seriously consider what you want out of this relationship. You deserve someone who values you and your time, not someone who only contacts you when it suits them.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it mean when someone only talks to you when it’s convenient for them?
When someone only contacts you when it suits them, it often signals a lack of genuine investment in a reciprocal relationship. It could indicate they prioritize their own needs and desires above yours, seeing you as a resource or someone to turn to only when they require something – attention, validation, help, or simply entertainment. It might not necessarily be malicious, but it suggests an imbalance of power and a potential disregard for your feelings and time. They might enjoy the connection when it benefits them, without considering the impact of their inconsistent behavior on you. It’s essential to recognize this pattern and assess whether this type of interaction aligns with your expectations for a healthy relationship.
Why does he keep reaching out if he doesn’t want me?
This can be confusing and frustrating. There are several reasons why someone might reach out even if they don’t want a committed relationship. Perhaps they enjoy the ego boost of knowing you’re interested, or they crave attention and validation without the responsibility of a deeper connection. Maybe they are genuinely lonely and you are someone familiar they can turn to in moments of need. He might also be keeping you as a “backup plan,” or simply be unsure of what he wants and stringing you along unintentionally. Regardless of the reason, his behavior is inconsiderate, and you have the right to prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries.
In summary
If he only contacts you when it suits him, it’s time to take a long, hard look at the relationship. Start by honestly assessing your own needs and boundaries. Are you truly happy with how things are? What are you missing?
If you feel comfortable, try talking to him about it. Explain how you feel and what you need. Be prepared for him to get defensive or push back.
Clearly define what you’re willing to accept and stick to it. If your needs continue to be ignored, you need to think about whether the relationship is sustainable. It’s okay to walk away. Don’t forget your worth, and don’t settle for less than you deserve. Consider sending a last message to find closure.
If you feel unloved or undervalued, it might be time for a change.