Being ghosted stings. It’s confusing, frustrating, and makes you want to scream into a pillow. You’re not alone. It’s a crummy feeling to be cut off from someone you thought cared.
So, what do you do when someone disappears on you? Do you just let them get away with it? Sometimes, you might want to consider how to mess with someone who ghosted you. Not in a vindictive, revenge-seeking way, but in a “I’m taking back my power” kind of way.
This guide isn’t about plotting elaborate schemes. It’s about subtly shifting the narrative, prioritizing your healing, and reclaiming your self-respect. We’ll explore ways to subtly nudge their perception while focusing on your well-being and moving forward.
Understanding the ghoster: Why they do what they do
Before you plot your revenge, it can be helpful to understand why someone might ghost you in the first place. It rarely has anything to do with you, and everything to do with them.
Common Reasons for Ghosting
- Avoiding conflict: Some people would rather vanish than have an honest conversation, even though the conversation might lead to a better outcome for everyone.
- Lack of emotional maturity: Ghosters may not be ready for a real, grown-up relationship.
- Fear of confrontation: It’s possible they’re scared of how you’ll react if they tell you they want to end things.
- They don’t see a future: Sometimes, feelings change, and they don’t have the communication skills to tell you.
What Ghosting Says About Them, Not You
Ghosting is almost always a reflection of the ghoster’s character and communication skills (or the lack thereof). It’s not a reflection of your worth or desirability.
A healthy person communicates their feelings and intentions clearly. Ghosting is immature and disrespectful. Remember that as you plan your next move.
Strategies for subtle influence: Reclaiming your narrative
Ghosting is a power play. Someone has decided to cut you off, leaving you wondering what happened. If you want to mess with someone who ghosted you, you need to reclaim that power. You do that by showing them you’re unbothered, thriving, and that their absence has little to no impact on your happiness.
The power of social media: Projecting a thriving life
Social media is your stage. Curate it carefully. Focus on showcasing the awesome things you’re doing, the fun you’re having with friends, and the passions you’re pursuing. The key is authenticity. Don’t fake it. Instead, live an interesting life and let your online presence reflect that.
Resist the urge to post anything that screams, “I’m thinking about you, ghoster!” No passive-aggressive quotes, no cryptic song lyrics, and definitely no direct call-outs. That gives them exactly what they want: your attention.
Instead, use social media as a platform for genuine self-improvement. Document your fitness journey, share your creative projects, or highlight your professional achievements. Inspire others and, in the process, show the ghoster what they’re missing out on.
The art of the “accidental” encounter: Appearing unfazed
This requires a bit of reconnaissance. If you know the places the ghoster frequents, consider (occasionally) visiting those spots yourself. The key word here is occasionally. You don’t want to look like you’re stalking them.
When you “accidentally” run into them, make sure you are looking and feeling your absolute best. Confidence is your greatest weapon. Acknowledge them briefly and politely, maybe with a simple “Hey,” and then move on. Don’t linger, don’t engage in a lengthy conversation, and definitely don’t bring up the ghosting.
The goal is to convey that you’re completely unaffected by their actions. You’re happy, you’re confident, and you’re living your life. Their presence is merely a blip on your radar.
Mutual connections: Letting others do the talking
If you share friends, let them see you living your best life. Again, avoid badmouthing the ghoster or seeking validation from your friends about the situation. That will only make you look insecure and desperate.
Subtly allow your friends to share positive updates about you with the ghoster (without explicitly asking them to). This can create a sense of curiosity on the ghoster’s part. They’ll start to wonder what you’re up to and why you seem so happy without them.
Most importantly, focus on building strong, meaningful relationships with people who value and respect you. These are the people who deserve your time and energy. The ghoster’s absence will become less and less significant as you surround yourself with people who genuinely care.
Detachment and self-care: The ultimate “messing with” strategy
Here’s the thing: The best way to “mess with” someone who ghosted you isn’t really about them at all. It’s about you. It’s about shifting your focus entirely inward and prioritizing your own well-being. This isn’t just about revenge; it’s about reclaiming your power and moving forward.
Shifting Your Focus Inward
Start by making a conscious decision to put yourself first. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of accomplishment. Maybe it’s finally taking that pottery class, spending more time in nature, or diving into a new book series. Whatever it is, make it a priority.
Practice self-compassion. Ghosting hurts, and it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes and extend that same forgiveness inward. Be kind to yourself during this process.
Set healthy boundaries. Distance yourself from anything or anyone that drains your emotional energy. This might mean muting certain people on social media, avoiding places you know they frequent, or even re-evaluating other relationships in your life.
The Power of “Moving On”
Actively work towards moving on. Delete their number from your phone. Unfollow them on social media. Resist the urge to check their profiles or ask mutual friends about them. Create space for new people and experiences in your life.
Embrace new opportunities. Step outside your comfort zone and try new things. This is a chance to reinvent yourself, discover new passions, and meet new people. Say yes to invitations, explore new hobbies, and challenge yourself to grow.
Focus on building a brighter future for yourself. Set goals, pursue your dreams, and create a life that you love. What do you want to achieve? What kind of person do you want to become? Focus your energy on building that future, and the ghoster will fade into the background.
Why Detachment “Messes” With Them
When the ghoster sees that you’re thriving without them, it can trigger feelings of regret or curiosity. They may start to wonder if they made a mistake. They might question their decision and feel a pang of jealousy.
Your indifference can be more powerful than any attempt at revenge. It shows that you’re not dependent on their validation or approval. It communicates that you’re strong, confident, and self-sufficient.
Ultimately, your happiness is the best “revenge.” It demonstrates that you’re capable of moving on and finding fulfillment without them. It proves that their actions didn’t define you, and that you’re better off without them in your life. And honestly, that’s the ultimate win.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to deal with someone who ghosts you
Being ghosted sucks, plain and simple. It’s natural to feel hurt, confused, and maybe even a little angry. The best way to deal with it is to acknowledge those feelings. Don’t bottle them up! Talk to a friend, write in a journal, or scream into a pillow—whatever helps you process what happened. Remember, their actions are a reflection of them, not you. Ghosting is often a sign of immaturity or an inability to communicate effectively. Focus on your own well-being and self-worth. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with people who make you feel good, and remind yourself of your positive qualities. Resist the urge to reach out repeatedly; it’s unlikely to change the situation and might only prolong the pain. Ultimately, acceptance is key. Move forward knowing you deserve someone who values open communication and respect.
How to take revenge on someone who ghosted you
While the urge for revenge after being ghosted is understandable, it’s rarely a productive or healthy response. Think about it: engaging in retaliatory behavior often ends up making you feel worse in the long run. Instead of plotting revenge, focus on reclaiming your power and moving on. The best “revenge” is living a happy, fulfilling life. Show them (and yourself) that their actions didn’t define you. Focus your energy on personal growth, building strong relationships, and achieving your goals. Let your success be your statement. If you truly feel the need to address the situation, consider a calm, direct, and respectful message expressing how their actions made you feel. However, be prepared for no response or a dismissive one. Sometimes, the most empowering thing you can do is simply walk away and never look back.
Putting It All Together
Being ghosted hurts, but it’s a good reminder that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. It’s important to focus on your self-worth and personal growth.
The goal isn’t revenge. It’s reclaiming your power by subtly influencing how the ghoster perceives you, while prioritizing your well-being.
So, move forward with confidence and self-respect. Embrace the future and create a life you love. You’ve got this!