Texting, messaging, and social media have changed the way we interact with each other. They’ve also changed the way we deceive each other.
When you’re face-to-face with someone, you can pick up on body language cues that can give away a lie. Those cues are absent when you’re communicating through text.
Lying is, unfortunately, a pretty common human behavior, especially in digital spaces. In fact, one study found that 60% of people lied at least twice during a 10-minute conversation.
So, how can you tell if someone is lying over text? This article will explore some subtle signs and patterns that may indicate someone isn’t being truthful.
Linguistic Red Flags: Deciphering Deceptive Language
It’s not always easy to tell if someone is lying, especially when you’re communicating via text message. But there are certain linguistic patterns and habits that can indicate deception. Here are some things to watch for:
Excessive Details and Oversharing
Liars often try to make their stories sound believable by adding unnecessary or irrelevant details. They think that by including minute details, they can make their story more plausible. Be wary of narratives that seem overly elaborate or contain too much background information.
Vague and Evasive Language
Dishonest people use vague language to avoid committing to specific details. For example, someone might say, “At some point, I think we may have dropped it off, but I’m not sure.” Evasive responses can also indicate a desire to conceal information. If you ask a direct question and don’t get a specific answer, that’s a red flag.
Qualifying Words and Truth-Claiming Statements
The use of phrases like “to be honest” or “as far as I remember” can be a red flag. People sometimes use these phrases to try to convince you of their sincerity. Overusing truth-claiming words can also be a sign that someone is trying too hard to appear truthful. If they keep saying things like “I swear,” “I’m telling the truth,” or “I would never lie to you,” it might be because they are lying to you.
Communication Patterns: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
While you can’t see someone’s face when you’re texting, their actions can still speak volumes.
Delayed Responses and Edited Messages
Does it take them forever to reply? A significant delay could mean they’re carefully choosing their words, perhaps trying to cover something up. They might be rewriting and editing their message to make it sound more believable.
However, before you jump to conclusions, consider other explanations. Maybe they’re genuinely busy, caught in a meeting, or dealing with something important.
Topic Changes and Diversionary Tactics
Pay attention to how they steer the conversation. If they suddenly change the subject, especially when you’ve asked a direct question, it could be a red flag. They might be trying to avoid a sensitive topic they don’t want to discuss honestly.
Be alert for attempts to distract you from the original question or issue. Are they trying to make you forget what you asked?
Avoiding the Conversation Altogether
Sometimes, the biggest tell is when they avoid the conversation altogether. Ignoring your texts or suddenly going offline could be their way of dodging difficult questions. Remember, concealment is a type of lie, and it’s much easier to avoid answering entirely when you’re texting.
Listen to their excuses, too. Are they suddenly claiming they “don’t get cell service” or that their “phone died”? These could be signs they’re trying to avoid the conversation and, potentially, the truth, or even abusive text messages.
Emotional and Stylistic Cues: Decoding the Subtext
While not foolproof, paying attention to the emotional tone and writing style of a text message can offer clues about whether someone is being dishonest. Remember, context is key. A single cue in isolation might not mean much, but a cluster of these signs could raise a red flag.
Excessive Expression and Robust Narratives
Is the person laying it on a little thick? Over-the-top emotional displays or dramatic storytelling can be a sign someone isn’t being completely truthful. For example, a sudden exclamation like, “I totally had no idea!” might be a little suspect.
Also, be wary of explanations that seem exaggerated, overly detailed, or just a little too perfect. Liars sometimes try to overcompensate by providing too much information, hoping to bury the lie in a mountain of (mostly irrelevant) details.
Contradictions and Inconsistencies
Liars often struggle to keep their stories straight. Look for inconsistencies between different messages or statements. Does the timeline add up? Do the details match previous conversations? If something feels off, it’s worth investigating further.
Pay attention to any details that don’t quite add up. Maybe they said they were with one person, but later mentioned being with someone else. Little discrepancies like this can be revealing.
Absence of Personal Pronouns
This one’s subtle, but worth noting. Sometimes, when someone’s lying, they’ll unconsciously try to distance themselves from the lie by avoiding personal pronouns like “I” or “we.”
For example, instead of saying, “I didn’t do it,” they might say, “It wasn’t done.” This can be a way of avoiding ownership of their actions and creating a psychological buffer between themselves and the deception.
Context and Relationship Dynamics: The Bigger Picture
Before you start accusing people of fibbing, consider the context of the conversation and your relationship with the person texting you. Is the behavior you’re noticing normal for them, or is it a new development?
Trust your gut, but don’t just leap to conclusions based on one sign. It’s better to gather a few pieces of evidence before you accuse someone of lying. Accusations can damage relationships, especially those impacted by avoidant attachment, so tread lightly.
Also keep in mind that cultural differences and communication styles can influence how people text. What might seem evasive to you might just be how someone from a different background communicates.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can you tell if someone is lying to you over the phone?
It’s tricky, but listen for hesitation, changes in tone, and excessive details that don’t quite add up. Liars on the phone might also try to change the subject quickly or avoid answering direct questions. If they’re typically chatty, and suddenly become brief, that could be a red flag. Trust your gut – if something feels off, it probably is.
How to know if a person is lying through text?
Look for inconsistencies in their story over time. Liars over text may also use vague language, avoid direct answers, or suddenly become unavailable. A delayed response, especially after you’ve asked a pointed question, could also indicate deception. Be wary of overly defensive or aggressive responses, too. They might try to overcompensate to convince you of their honesty.
What phrases do liars use?
Liars often use phrases that distance themselves from the lie, such as “To be honest…” or “Frankly…”. They might also overuse qualifiers like “basically” or “literally” to try and sound more convincing. Watch out for phrases that deflect blame or responsibility, such as “I don’t recall” or “That’s what I was told.” These phrases can be indicators that someone isn’t being entirely truthful.
In Summary
Spotting lies over text messages is tricky, but it’s not a lost cause. By learning to recognize certain language cues, communication habits, and considering the context, you can improve your ability to spot potential fibs.
Keep in mind that these signs aren’t ironclad proof of deception. Rather, consider them red flags to be aware of.
Open and honest communication is always the best policy. But being informed can give you a leg up when navigating the wild world of digital interactions.