A lot of people think you get closure from a former partner by having them answer questions and explain things. This idea assumes closure is something an ex can “give” you, which can lead to frustration and stress.
But true closure is really an internal process of healing, acceptance, and moving on. It’s about finding peace inside yourself, no matter whether your ex participates or explains anything.
So what’s the real closure meaning in relationship breakups, and how can you get it?
In this article, we’ll explore the psychology of closure, debunk common myths, and offer actionable strategies for finding inner peace and moving on after a relationship ends. We will look at the Need for Closure Scale, strategies for self-healing, and the importance of forgiveness.
The psychology of closure: A deeper dive
Why do we crave closure after a relationship ends? The answer lies, in part, in how our brains are wired.
Gestalt psychology and the need for completion
The human mind likes to see things as complete and coherent. This idea is the foundation of Gestalt psychology, which explains how our brains fill in gaps to create a whole picture. It’s why we see groups of dots as a single shape, or hear a few notes and imagine a whole melody.
This same principle applies to relationships. We want a complete narrative, a clear understanding of what happened and why. A breakup leaves us with loose ends, unanswered questions, and a sense of incompleteness. This is why we often search for closure — to fill in the gaps and create a coherent story.
But, be warned: Relying on an ex to provide this completion can be detrimental. That’s because you are giving that person power over your emotional well-being.
Social psychology: Urgency and permanence
Social psychology connects our need for closure to tendencies toward “urgency” and “permanence.” Those with a high need for closure may feel an urgent need to resolve ambiguity and establish stability. This can lead to biases, as people might selectively gather information to confirm existing beliefs and achieve closure.
Debunking the Myths: Why You Can’t Get Closure From Your Ex
A lot of people think they need to hear an explanation from their ex in order to feel like they can move on. But here’s the thing: If someone is breaking up with you, they’re probably not in a place where they want to connect with you or give you a lot of insight.
It’s important to remember that your ex doesn’t owe you reasons or justifications. Expecting them to give them to you is probably going to lead to disappointment and make it harder to heal and move on.
When a relationship ends, the connection is over. Trying to keep that connection alive by demanding closure is just going to keep you stuck. Real closure isn’t about understanding why things went wrong; it’s about healing from the inside out.
Signs You Haven’t Found Closure: Identifying the Traps
It can be tough to know if you’ve truly achieved closure after a relationship ends. Here are some common signs that you might still be stuck:
- You can’t stop thinking about the relationship. Constant replay of memories and intrusive thoughts are a sign you haven’t had emotional release.
- You don’t understand what happened or why the relationship ended. A nagging need to analyze the breakup shows there are still unresolved issues.
- You keep reopening the wound. Rereading old messages or stalking social media profiles keeps you emotionally entangled and prevents healing.
- You’re questioning your self-worth. A lack of closure can lead to blaming yourself for the breakup and damage your self-esteem.
- You’re holding onto anger, resentment, or bitterness. Unresolved anger makes it impossible to forgive and move on with your life.
Recognizing these signs is the first step toward actively seeking closure and finding peace after a breakup.
Strategies for finding inner closure: A path to healing
Sometimes, you just won’t get the answers you crave. The relationship is over, and your ex isn’t talking. Or they’re talking, but not making any sense.
How can you move on? Here are some strategies to find closure from within.
Acceptance and letting go
It’s time to accept that you may never know exactly what happened. Focus on what you can control: your own healing journey.
Let go of any hope of reconciliation. It’s hard, but slamming the door on “maybe someday” is essential for moving forward.
Self-compassion and forgiveness
Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your pain, your grief, and everything you’re feeling. Treat yourself with the same care and understanding you’d offer a dear friend.
Start working on forgiveness — both for yourself and your ex. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior; it frees you from the weight of resentment.
Self-care and emotional processing
Prioritize self-care activities that boost your emotional well-being. Exercise, meditate, spend time with loved ones, rediscover old hobbies, or explore new ones.
Try journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process your emotions, understand your experience, and release bottled-up feelings.
Seeking support
Lean on your support network: trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Talking to someone who can offer support and guidance can be invaluable during this time.
Consider online therapy. It’s a convenient and accessible way to create a safe space to explore your feelings and develop healthy coping strategies.
Frequently Asked Questions
What exactly is closure in a relationship?
Closure in a relationship is that feeling of resolution or acceptance after a breakup or significant relationship event. It’s not necessarily about getting back together, but rather about understanding what happened, processing your emotions, and being able to move forward without lingering questions or unresolved feelings holding you back.
What is meant by getting closure?
Getting closure means finding a way to make peace with the end of a relationship. This can involve having a final conversation with your ex to gain clarity, understanding your role in the breakup, accepting that the relationship is over, and shifting your focus towards healing and personal growth. It’s about taking control of your narrative and finding inner peace.
What does it mean when someone says “I need closure”?
When someone says “I need closure,” it usually means they’re struggling to move on from a relationship or a specific event within the relationship. They might be feeling confused, hurt, or stuck in the past. They’re seeking answers, explanations, or validation to help them understand what happened and begin the healing process. It’s a request for clarity and a desire to find a sense of finality.
When a person wants closure…
When a person wants closure, they’re often looking for a way to release the emotional baggage associated with the relationship. They might want to express their feelings, receive an apology, or simply have their experience acknowledged. Ultimately, seeking closure is a sign of wanting to heal and move forward in a healthy way, even if the process itself can be painful or challenging. They are looking for a sense of completion.
Wrapping Up
Finding closure after a relationship ends isn’t a one-time event. It’s more like a journey of healing and personal growth. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself the time you need to grieve, adjust, and process everything that’s happened.
It’s important to start building a new foundation for your life, one that’s built on self-love, strong connections with others, and pursuing your own passions and goals. Learning to accept what has happened is crucial for moving forward and creating a future that feels brighter and more fulfilling.
Instead of focusing on getting answers or validation from your ex, turn your attention inward. By cultivating inner peace and focusing on your own well-being, you’ll find true closure and be open to all the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead.