Manipulative tactics in relationships can cause major harm. A healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and open communication. When one partner tries to control or undermine the other, it can lead to emotional distress, anxiety, and even depression. It’s not okay, and it’s important to recognize the signs.
More and more, people are talking about relationship red flags and specific manipulative behaviors. You may have seen or heard terms like “love bombing,” “ghosting,” and “negging” being thrown around. These terms describe specific ways someone can try to manipulate you. Knowing what these behaviors look like is the first step in protecting yourself and building healthier relationships.
That’s why it’s important to understand these types of manipulative tactics. When you know what they are, you can spot them, avoid them, and start the healing process if you’ve experienced them. We’ll cover common manipulative behaviors like love bombing (excessive attention and affection early on), negging (subtle insults to undermine your confidence), ghosting (suddenly disappearing without explanation), benching (keeping you as a “backup” option), and breadcrumbing (giving just enough attention to keep you interested).
This article will help you learn more about those terms like gaslighting, ghosting, and other terms and how those behaviors can impact you. Plus, we’ll discuss ways to heal from these experiences and prevent them from happening again. Because nobody deserves to be manipulated, and it’s crucial to seek support and professional help if you’re struggling.
Love bombing: The illusion of intense affection
Think of the most romantic movie you’ve ever seen. Now, imagine that dialed up to eleven. That’s kind of what it feels like to be love bombed.
Defining love bombing
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where someone overwhelms you with affection, attention, gifts, and promises early in a relationship. It’s a way to quickly gain control and make you dependent on them.
The characteristics of love bombing include:
- Constant compliments and praise that feel over the top.
- Grand, extravagant gestures of affection that seem too much, too soon.
- Demands for constant attention and communication; they always want to be with you.
- Attempts to isolate you from your friends and family, making them your sole focus.
The stages of love bombing
Love bombing isn’t just a random act of kindness; it’s a calculated strategy that unfolds in distinct stages.
- Idealization: This is the “honeymoon” phase on steroids. The abuser showers you with attention, affection, and gifts, creating a false sense of security and an intense connection. You’re put on a pedestal and made to feel like you’re absolutely perfect. It feels amazing, but it’s not real.
- Devaluation: Once they’ve got you hooked, the abuser starts to pull back. The affection and attention dwindle, replaced by criticism, belittling remarks, and subtle digs. You’re no longer perfect; you’re flawed and inadequate. This is designed to erode your self-esteem and make you dependent on their approval.
- Discard: The final stage is the abrupt and often unexplained end to the relationship. The abuser simply walks away, leaving you confused, hurt, and abandoned. They’ve gotten what they wanted – control and validation – and now you’re no longer needed.
Love bombing is a form of emotional abuse, and it can leave lasting scars. If you think you’ve been love bombed, it’s important to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.
NEGGING: UNDERMINING SELF-ESTEEM THROUGH INSULTS
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a compliment that left you feeling… weird?
Maybe it wasn’t exactly a compliment. Maybe it felt a little bit like an insult.
That could be “negging.”
Negging is a form of emotional manipulation where someone gives you backhanded compliments or insults disguised as constructive criticism. The goal of negging is to undermine your self-esteem and make you seek their approval.
People who engage in negging are looking to:
- Lower your confidence
- Make you more dependent on them
- Control your behavior
Examples of Negging
Here are some examples of negging statements:
- “You look so much better without makeup.”
- “That outfit is interesting… I wouldn’t have chosen it, but you make it work.”
- “You’re really smart for a [insert demographic].”
These statements are manipulative because they’re designed to make you feel insecure and question your self-worth. They create a power imbalance in the relationship where you feel like you need to earn their approval.
The person doing the negging is using subtle digs to wear down your self-esteem. It’s a tactic to make you feel like you need them, that you’re not good enough on your own. This can be a really damaging dynamic in any relationship, whether it’s romantic, familial, or even a friendship.
Ghosting, benching, and breadcrumbing: Modern disappearance acts
Online dating and social media have given rise to some new, not-so-pleasant behaviors. Here’s the lowdown.
Ghosting: The sudden vanishing act
Imagine you’re dating someone. Things seem to be going well, and then poof — they disappear. No call, no text, no explanation. That’s ghosting.
Ghosting is ending a relationship by abruptly cutting off all contact with the other person without any explanation. It’s a way to avoid difficult conversations and dodge responsibility for hurting someone’s feelings.
Being ghosted can leave you feeling confused, rejected, and questioning yourself. It can be hard to move on when you don’t understand why things ended. Ghosting can cause long-term emotional distress and impact your self-worth.
And while some might see it as an easy out, ghosting can be a form of manipulation, especially if it’s used to punish or control someone.
Benching: The holding pattern
Benching is like being a player on the sidelines, waiting for your chance to get in the game. In relationships, it means someone is keeping you as a “backup” option while they pursue other relationships.
The person doing the benching gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, but not enough to commit. It’s like they’re saying, “I like you, but not enough to be with you right now.”
Benching creates a false sense of hope and prevents you from moving on. It can damage your self-esteem and create anxiety because you’re constantly wondering where you stand.
The key difference between benching and ghosting is that benching involves sporadic communication, while ghosting is a complete shutdown.
Breadcrumbing: Leaving a trail of false hope
Breadcrumbing is like leaving a trail of crumbs to keep someone interested without any real intention of feeding them. It involves sending occasional texts, likes, or comments to keep someone hooked, but without any commitment.
People breadcrumb for various reasons. Sometimes it’s to boost their ego, avoid commitment, or keep their options open. Whatever the reason, it’s not fair to the person being led on.
Examples of breadcrumbing include sending a late-night “u up?” text, liking old photos on social media, or making vague plans that never happen. It’s all about keeping you interested without putting in any real effort.
The Psychological Impact of Manipulation
These manipulative tactics—gaslighting, ghosting, and all the others—aren’t just annoying. They can take a serious emotional toll. The repeated experience of these behaviors can lead to anxiety, depression, and a seriously diminished sense of self-worth. You might feel confused, isolated, and like you’re losing your grip on reality.
One of the most insidious things about manipulation is how it erodes your self-confidence. You start to question your own judgment, your own memory, your own sanity. The manipulator, often subtly, creates a distorted picture of reality, making it hard to recognize what a healthy relationship even looks like anymore.
The potential for long-term psychological damage is real. In some cases, the trauma can be so severe that it leads to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even if it doesn’t reach that level, it can make it incredibly difficult to form healthy relationships in the future. You might become hyper-vigilant, constantly on the lookout for signs of manipulation, or you might become more vulnerable to it, having had your defenses weakened.
Whether intentional or not (though, let’s be honest, it usually is), manipulation tactics are about control, and that control comes at the expense of your emotional well-being. It’s important to recognize these tactics for what they are and to protect yourself from their harmful effects.
Healing and recovery: Rebuilding after emotional abuse
Okay, so you’ve learned some new terms for toxic behaviors. You’re starting to recognize these patterns in your own relationships. What comes next?
Healing after emotional abuse is absolutely possible. But it takes time, energy, and support.
Recognizing the abuse
The very first step is acknowledging the abuse. You have to validate your own experiences and emotions. You have to say to yourself, “Yes, this happened, and it wasn’t okay.”
If you’re still unsure about whether something qualifies as abuse, there are many resources available to help you learn more:
- Online quizzes and assessments
- Support groups and forums
- Educational materials on manipulative tactics
Seeking support
Please reach out. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. A strong support system can give you the validation and encouragement you need. They can offer practical assistance, too, like helping you move to a new apartment or watching your kids while you attend a therapy appointment.
Therapy can be especially helpful. A good therapist can help you:
- Process your emotions and experiences
- Learn how to set healthy boundaries
- Build healthier relationships
- Identify and address any underlying issues that made you vulnerable to manipulation
Self-care strategies
Be gentle with yourself. Practice self-compassion and forgiveness. You are NOT to blame for the abuse. You didn’t cause it. You didn’t deserve it.
Do things that make you feel good. Exercise. Start a new hobby. Reconnect with an old passion. Spend time with people who lift you up and make you feel valued.
Start setting healthy boundaries. Learn to say “no.” Prioritize your own needs. Identify manipulative individuals and avoid them like the plague.
You deserve to be happy and healthy. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Don’t ever forget that.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is something similar to gaslighting?
Other manipulative tactics share similarities with gaslighting, though they might not be as extreme or systematic. For example, “stonewalling” involves refusing to communicate or engage in a conversation, often leaving the other person feeling dismissed and invalidated. “Triangulation” occurs when someone brings a third party into a two-person relationship, often to create conflict or manipulate the situation. “Blame-shifting” involves avoiding responsibility by blaming the other person for everything that goes wrong. These behaviors, like gaslighting, erode trust and can be incredibly damaging to relationships.
What are benching and breadcrumbing?
Benching is like being a player on the bench of a sports team – you’re kept around as an option but not actively played. It involves someone keeping you interested with occasional texts or messages, but without any real commitment or intention of pursuing a serious relationship. Breadcrumbing is similar; it’s leaving just enough “breadcrumbs” of interest to keep someone hoping for more, even when there’s no substance behind the gestures. Both are pretty selfish moves, designed to keep someone on the hook without actually offering anything meaningful.
What is orbiting and benching?
Orbiting happens when someone ghosts you but continues to interact with you on social media – liking your posts, watching your stories, essentially staying in your orbit without actually engaging in direct communication. Benching, as mentioned above, is keeping you as a “backup” option, stringing you along with occasional attention but never fully committing. So, orbiting is more about maintaining a passive presence, while benching is about actively, though minimally, keeping you engaged.
Wrapping Up
Understanding manipulative tactics like love bombing, negging, ghosting, benching, and breadcrumbing is crucial. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step in protecting yourself from emotional abuse and unhealthy relationships.
Awareness is power, and self-care is essential. If you think you’re being manipulated, set strong boundaries and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Don’t be afraid to end relationships that are damaging to your well-being.
Prioritize your emotional health and build healthy, respectful relationships. Remember, everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, compassion, and respect. Healthy relationships are built on trust, open communication, and mutual support. If a relationship doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. You deserve better.