Situationships can be super confusing and emotionally draining. Because they usually lack clear boundaries and expectations, it’s easy to get hurt or feel used. Unlike real relationships, ending a situationship can feel weird and undefined, which makes figuring out how to do it a challenge.
Breaking up over text has become more common, but it’s a decision that needs careful thought. Though it’s not always the best way, in certain situations, it can be the right one.
So, how do you end things with someone you’re not really “with”?
This guide gives you some practical advice on how to end a situationship over text while still being clear, compassionate, and respectful.
Is breaking up over text even okay?
Okay, so, is it okay to end things over text? It kind of depends. First, think about what the situationship was actually like. If it was super casual or only involved a couple of dates, a text is probably fine.
But if it went on longer or felt more serious, you might want to consider a phone call or even an in-person conversation if that feels right for you.
Also, think about safety and comfort. If you feel unsafe meeting up, a text is definitely a valid option. Honesty and tact are essential, especially given how easy it is to send dry texts and misread a text message.
When is a text breakup not the right choice?
Ending a situationship over text is usually okay, but there are times when you should consider having a more personal conversation. Don’t send that text if:
- You’ve been seeing each other for a long time. A longer-term situationship deserves a more personal touch.
- You have a deep emotional connection or investment. In that case, a face-to-face conversation or video call is more respectful.
- You expect a very emotional or complex reaction. Talking in person allows for better understanding and support.
- You’re ending a serious, defined relationship. This should be a phone call or in person, no question.
Before you hit send: Key considerations
Ending any relationship, even a casual one, requires some thought and care. Before you fire off that text, consider the following:
Reflect on your reasons
Why are you ending things? Get really clear with yourself. Understanding your motivations will help you communicate them effectively. Avoid vague or generic explanations. Specific reasons offer more clarity and closure. Do you feel like you are wanting more but you know they don’t?
Choose your words carefully
Be honest and direct, but don’t be a jerk. Clarity avoids confusion. Avoid blaming or accusatory language. Instead, focus on your own feelings and experiences. Say “I feel like we are on different pages and I am wanting something more” instead of “You aren’t giving me what I need.”
Prepare for a response
Anticipate potential reactions. Will they be sad? Angry? Confused? Decide how you’ll respond (or not respond) to different scenarios. Will you offer to talk on the phone or in person? Or will you simply restate your feelings and wish them well?
Crafting the breakup text: Dos and Don’ts
Breaking up over text isn’t ideal, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s how to do it with as much grace as possible.
The “Compliment Sandwich” (Optional, but potentially helpful)
If you’re feeling particularly diplomatic, you can try the “compliment sandwich” approach:
- Start with something positive about the person or the situationship. Show that you appreciated your time together.
- Clearly and directly state that you’re ending the situationship.
- End with another positive or neutral statement. Wish them well or thank them for the experience.
Essential Elements of a Good Breakup Text
- Be direct and clear about your intentions. For example: “I don’t think this is going to work out for me.”
- Briefly explain your reasoning, but don’t over-explain. “I’m looking for something more serious right now,” is a good start.
- Be respectful and compassionate. Acknowledge their feelings and avoid being dismissive.
What Not to Do
- Don’t ghost. It’s hurtful, immature, and disrespectful.
- Don’t lead them on or give them false hope. Be clear that you’re ending things.
- Don’t engage in arguments or defensiveness. Keep it short and sweet.
Example texts for different situations
Breaking up is hard to do, even when it’s a “soft launch” relationship. But if you want to end a situationship over text, here are some examples you can copy and paste — or just use as inspiration.
When you’ve been on a few casual dates, but don’t think they’re “the one”
“Hey [Name], I’ve enjoyed getting to know you these past few weeks, but I don’t feel a strong romantic connection. I wish you all the best.”
When you’ve hung out, but don’t think you two are on the same page
“Hi [Name], I’ve had fun hanging out, but I’m realizing we’re looking for different things right now. I hope you understand.”
When you’re booked and busy and know you can’t prioritize a relationship at the moment
“Hey [Name], I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, but with my current workload, I don’t have the capacity to invest in a relationship right now. I’m sorry, and I wish you well.”
When you’ve been seeing each other for a few months, but don’t see the relationship going anywhere
“Hi [Name], I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the past few months. However, I don’t see this progressing into something more serious, and I think it’s best if we go our separate ways. I wish you all the best.”
When you think you two would be better off as friends
“Hey [Name], I’ve really valued our time together, and I think you’re a great person. However, I feel like we connect better as friends. Would you be open to that?”
Addressing potential roadblocks
Ending a situationship can be tricky. You may meet with resistance when you try to break things off.
What if they respond angrily?
If your almost-partner responds in anger with cold replies, stay calm. Don’t get drawn into an argument. Repeat your decision, and if necessary, disengage, understanding that asking for a second chance by text may not be appropriate in this situation. You don’t have to keep texting if they’re being abusive.
What if they try to change your mind?
Be firm in your decision. Remember all the reasons why you wanted to end the situationship in the first place. Don’t let them talk you out of it.
What if they want to know “Why?”
You don’t owe them a lengthy explanation, but you can offer a brief, honest answer. It’s OK to say, “I just don’t see a future for us.” You don’t have to share your deepest, darkest reasons if you don’t want to.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you politely end a situationship?
Politely ending a situationship involves being direct but kind. Start by acknowledging the good aspects of your time together. Then, clearly state that you’re looking for something different and this arrangement isn’t meeting your needs. Avoid blaming or making it personal. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and reasons. For example, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I’ve realized I’m looking for something more defined right now.” Ending with gratitude can also soften the blow.
How do you politely end a relationship over text?
While ending a serious relationship face-to-face is generally preferred, texting can be acceptable in a situationship or casual dating scenario. Again, be direct and honest, but compassionate. Acknowledge the connection you shared and express your gratitude for their time. Avoid being vague or leaving room for misinterpretation. Something like, “Hey, I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I don’t see this progressing. I wish you all the best,” is a good start. Be prepared for a response and try to answer respectfully.
How to end a situationship without ghosting?
Ghosting is rarely a good option, so opting to end a situationship through text is the better choice. Simply send a message stating your feelings on why you don’t think you are a good fit. You can say something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship lately, and I’ve realized that I’m not feeling a romantic connection between us. I value our friendship, but I think it’s best if we go our separate ways romantically.”
Conclusion
Ending a situationship over text isn’t the easiest thing, but it can be done with a little consideration and compassion.
Focus on clear, honest communication, and be respectful of the other person’s feelings, but also prioritize your own emotional well-being.
Remember that setting boundaries and making tough decisions are critical parts of all healthy relationships, even the undefined ones.