How to Get Closure With an Ex Without Contact and Move On

Breakups are messy and painful. You’re hurt and confused, and you probably want answers. You want things to make sense again. You want closure. Is it better to be the dumper or dumpee in this situation?

Many people think closure is something your ex gives you: an explanation, an apology, a final conversation that ties everything up neatly. You might think, “If I could just talk to them one more time, I could get the closure I need.”

But waiting for your ex to give you closure puts you in a powerless position. You’re relying on them to help you heal, and that’s a recipe for disappointment. The truth is, true closure comes from within. It’s something you create for yourself, regardless of what your ex does or doesn’t do.

So, how do you get closure after a relationship ends, especially when you know contacting your ex isn’t the answer?

This article will guide you on how to get closure with an ex without contact, focusing on empowering yourself and healing emotionally. We’ll explore common misconceptions about closure, the importance of processing your grief, how to set healthy boundaries, and why self-care is essential on your healing journey. You don’t need your ex to move on; you just need the right tools.

What we get wrong about closure

When a relationship ends, people often talk about getting “closure” so you can move on.

But what is closure, really?

A lot of people misunderstand what closure is. That misunderstanding can prevent you from finding peace and moving forward.

“Doneness” vs. wholeness

Many people think of closure as a feeling of finality. They think closure means that the relationship is “done,” and they’ll never think about their ex again. They think getting closure means erasing the past and forgetting their ex ever existed.

That’s not realistic. Every relationship changes you, and you can’t just erase the past.

A better way to think about closure is that it means feeling whole again. It means you’ve integrated the experience of the relationship into your life story, and you’re ready to move forward as a complete individual. It means accepting the past without letting it define your future.

External vs. internal

A lot of people think closure comes from their ex. They think they need an explanation, an apology, or some kind of acknowledgement from their ex to move on.

That’s not true, either. True closure is an internal process. It’s about meeting your own emotional needs and finding peace within yourself.

It’s about taking responsibility for your own healing journey. You can’t rely on your ex to give you closure. You have to find it within yourself.

The way out is through: Processing grief and unmet needs

There’s no way around it: Breakups hurt. You can’t just skip to the “closure” part. You have to actually feel what you’re feeling. You need to feel the grief.

Acknowledging and allowing grief

A breakup is a loss, and losses trigger grief. Grief is a complex emotion that can include sadness, anger, fear, confusion, and disbelief. It’s okay to feel all of those things. It’s part of the healing process.

The important thing is to actually feel the feelings instead of trying to ignore them or push them away. Healthy ways to process grief include:

• Crying
• Journaling
• Creative expression (painting, music, writing)
• Talking to a trusted friend or family member
• Seeking professional help from a therapist

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling bad. It’s okay to not be okay, and healing takes time. Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to grieve.

Identifying and addressing unmet needs

Often, the desire for closure comes from unmet emotional needs. Maybe you needed acknowledgement, reassurance, connection, or understanding from your ex, and you didn’t get it.

To figure out what your unmet needs are, ask yourself these questions:

• What did I hope to gain from the relationship?
• What am I still missing after the breakup?
• What did I need from my ex that I didn’t get?

Once you know what your unmet needs are, you can start to find ways to meet them yourself. You don’t need your ex to give you closure. You can give it to yourself.

Brainstorm ways to fulfill those needs independently. Can you get acknowledgement from a friend or family member? Can you find connection in a new hobby or activity? Can you give yourself the reassurance you were seeking from your ex?

It may take some time and effort, but you can meet your own needs without relying on your ex. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. You are not alone in this.

Creating closure through boundaries with your ex

One of the most powerful ways to get closure after a breakup is to establish firm boundaries with your ex. And the most effective boundary is often the “no contact” rule.

The importance of no contact

No contact means exactly what it sounds like: no communication whatsoever. No calls, no texts, no DMs, no following each other on social media, no liking posts, no drive-bys, nothing. Just…nothing. But what happens after 2 weeks of no contact, and he texts? Is it a second chance?

Why is no contact so important? A few reasons:

• It prevents further emotional distress. Every interaction with your ex, even a seemingly innocent one, can stir up old feelings and reopen wounds.
• It allows you to detach and focus on your own well-being. You can’t truly move on if you’re still emotionally entangled with your ex. No contact gives you the space you need to heal and rediscover yourself. Ignoring someone who hurt you can be a crucial step in reclaiming your power and healing.
• It reduces the temptation to seek validation or answers. You might be tempted to reach out to your ex for reassurance, explanations, or just to see if they still care. But these interactions rarely provide the closure you’re seeking and often leave you feeling worse.

Practical steps for implementing no contact

Putting the no-contact rule into practice can be challenging, but here are some steps you can take:

• Unfollow or mute your ex on social media. Seeing their posts, stories, and updates will only keep you stuck in the past.
• Block your ex’s number and email address. This might seem extreme, but it removes the temptation to reach out or respond to their messages.
• Avoid places where you might run into your ex. If you know they frequent a certain coffee shop or gym, find a new spot.

Handling exceptions to no contact (if absolutely necessary)

Sometimes, complete no contact isn’t possible. For example, if you share children or have a business partnership with your ex, you’ll need to communicate with them. In these situations, it’s crucial to minimize the emotional impact of these interactions:

• Keep communication strictly business-related and concise. Avoid personal topics or rehashing the past.
• Set clear boundaries and expectations. Let your ex know what you’re willing to discuss and what you’re not.
• Enlist the help of a third party if needed. If communication is difficult, consider using a mediator or co-parenting app.

Even in these unavoidable situations, it’s important to maintain as much distance as possible and prioritize your own emotional well-being.

Create closure via boundaries with friends and family

When you’re trying to heal after a breakup, your friends and family can be a great source of support. But sometimes, well-intentioned loved ones can unintentionally make things harder.

Managing Well-Intentioned but Harmful Advice

It’s common for friends and family to offer advice, but sometimes that advice can be unhelpful or even harmful. Maybe they’re pressuring you to “move on” faster than you’re ready to, or maybe they’re making negative comments about your ex that just stir up more painful feelings.

The key is to set boundaries with your support system. You can kindly but firmly communicate your needs and preferences. Politely decline unwanted advice, and try to limit discussions about your ex. It’s OK to say, “I appreciate you caring, but I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

Identifying and Avoiding Enablers

Be aware of friends or family members who might enable unhealthy behaviors. This could include people who gossip about your ex, encourage you to stalk their social media, or even try to facilitate contact between the two of you.

It’s important to create distance from these individuals. Limit your interactions with them, and seek support from more positive and supportive people who respect your need for no contact.

Building a Supportive “Healing Team”

Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you on your healing journey. This could include friends, family members, a therapist, or even a support group. The goal is to build a team that you can lean on during tough times.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need from your support system. Be specific about the kind of support you’re looking for. Maybe you just need a listening ear, or maybe you need a distraction to take your mind off things. Let your healing team know how they can best help you move forward.

SHIFTING YOUR FOCUS: SELF-DISCOVERY AND GROWTH

One of the best ways to get closure without contacting your ex is to turn your gaze inward.

Reclaiming Your Identity

Breakups can make you feel like you don’t even know who you are anymore. In fact, Dr. Eli Finkel’s research has shown that breakups can cause something he calls a “drop in self-concept clarity.”

Now is the time to reconnect with your values, interests, and passions. What activities did you love before the relationship began? What are your biggest goals and dreams? Now is the time to chase them.

Practicing Self-Care and Self-Compassion

It’s also important to nurture yourself. Prioritize your physical and emotional well-being by:

• Exercising
• Eating healthy foods
• Getting enough sleep
• Practicing mindfulness

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Avoid beating yourself up or dwelling on negative thoughts. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

Embracing New Experiences

Step outside your comfort zone! Try new hobbies, travel to new places, or meet new people. Doing something different can help you break free from old patterns and create a more fulfilling life.

This is your chance to start fresh. To become the person you’ve always wanted to be. To live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Don’t waste it!

Frequently Asked Questions

Closing Thoughts

Getting closure after a breakup doesn’t require your ex’s participation. It’s an inside job.

Remember the key steps we’ve talked about: Allow yourself to grieve the loss, set firm boundaries to protect your healing, and, most importantly, make self-care a priority. It’s easy to fall into a spiral of negative thoughts and behaviors, but actively choosing to nurture yourself is essential.

You have the power to heal and to build a life that’s fulfilling and meaningful, regardless of what your ex does or doesn’t do. Don’t give them that control. Your happiness is in your hands.

Breakups are tough, there’s no doubt about it. But they can also be incredible opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Embrace the journey, trust the process, and know that you will come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and more resilient than ever before. You’ve got this.