Ghosting is when someone you’ve been dating or even just talking to suddenly disappears without a word. They stop answering texts, phone calls, and DMs. It can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and wondering what you did wrong.
It can be a really crummy experience, and there’s no one “right” way to deal with it. But it’s important to remember that how you react matters. You can’t control someone else’s behavior, but you can control how you respond.
In this article, we’ll explore some strategies for how to respond to ghosting in a way that protects your emotional well-being and helps you move forward. Because taking care of yourself is the most important thing.
Initial Reactions and Considerations
So, you think you’ve been ghosted. What now?
Assessing the Situation
First, take a breath and think about the context of the relationship (or potential relationship). Was this someone you met once at a party? Or was this a budding romance that seemed to have real potential? Was it something more serious than that?
The intensity of the connection should influence how you respond (or if you respond at all).
Next, ask yourself if you’re sure you’ve been ghosted. Maybe the other person is just busy. “It’s so common to think you’ve been ghosted when simply the conversation was either dropped or complete for the moment,” says dating coach Treva Brandon Scharf. “You may be surprised to get a response.”
Managing Initial Emotions
If you’re pretty sure you’ve been ghosted, it’s important to acknowledge how you feel. It’s normal to feel hurt, confused, or angry.
But try not to jump to negative conclusions about yourself. Remind yourself that ghosting is usually about the ghoster, not you. It’s a reflection of their communication style, emotional maturity, and willingness to be direct — or rather, unwillingness to be direct.
Deciding whether to reach out: Options and strategies
So, you’ve been ghosted. Now what? Should you reach out? Or let it go?
The case for reaching out
There’s no one right answer, but here are a few things to consider if you’re thinking about sending a message:
- Send a friendly check-in message. Keep it brief and casual. “Hey, just checking in. Hope you’re doing well!”
- Express your feelings (if you choose to). Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example: “I felt a little confused when I didn’t hear back from you.”
- Set boundaries and expectations. If clear communication is important to you, say so.
The case against reaching out
Sometimes, the best response is no response. Here’s why:
- Protect your emotional well-being. If you suspect the ghoster is avoidant or even disrespectful, reaching out might not be productive. As dating coach Hayley Quinn says, “There are no rules as to whether you should get in touch or not. But you shouldn’t do it in the expectation or hope that it will make you feel better.”
- Recognize that silence speaks volumes. Sometimes, the lack of communication is the communication.
- Focus your energy on moving on. It’s tempting to try to get closure, but as relationship expert Alexis Nicole White says, “Feeling like you need explanations and apologies will only prevent you from being able to move forward.”
If You Choose to Call Out the Ghoster
It’s okay if you decide you want to call out your ghoster, but consider the approach, and avoiding messing with them (without revenge) might be better. Just be aware of the pros and cons before you do it. You may not get the response you’re hoping for, so keep that in mind.
If you decide to reach out, keep it short and sweet. Don’t launch into a long, emotional explanation. State how you feel and what you expected, clearly and concisely.
Finally, prepare yourself for no response at all, or a dismissive one. Manage your expectations and be ready to walk away if needed.
Moving on and prioritizing self-care
Being ghosted stings, no doubt about it. But you can’t let someone else’s bad behavior dictate your well-being. It’s time to shift your focus inward.
Shifting Your Focus Inward
First, remind yourself that their actions are about them, not you. As dating expert Alexis Nicole White says, “Remember that this is about them, not you.”
Instead of wondering what you did wrong, focus on the fact that they backed away and didn’t even have the decency to communicate that to you. As relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein says, ask yourself if that’s how you want to be treated. Hopefully, the answer is no. You deserve better.
Challenge any negative self-talk. Don’t let your inner critic run wild. Replace those self-blaming thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your worth, your strengths, and your amazing qualities.
Practicing Self-Care Strategies
Now, put those words into action. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Spend time with loved ones, dive into a hobby you enjoy, or try a mindfulness exercise to center yourself.
Limit how much you see the ghoster on social media. Mute or unfollow them to avoid triggering painful emotions. You don’t need constant reminders of someone who treated you poorly and cause anxiety.
And most importantly, seek support. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings can help you process what happened and gain a fresh perspective. Sometimes, just venting to someone who cares can make all the difference.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you react to being ghosted?
Okay, so you’ve been ghosted. It stings, right? The first thing is: don’t panic. It’s easy to spiral and assume it’s something you did, but honestly, ghosting says way more about the ghoster than the ghostee. Give it a little time. If you’ve only been on a couple of dates, maybe a week or so of silence is enough to consider it a ghosting. If you’ve been seeing someone for a while, maybe give it a bit longer, but don’t hold your breath.
Resist the urge to bombard them with messages. A single, casual “Hey, hope everything’s okay!” text after a reasonable amount of silence is fine, but don’t go overboard. If you don’t get a response, that’s your answer. The key is to focus on yourself. Distract yourself with hobbies, friends, and anything that makes you feel good. Remember your worth and that you deserve someone who communicates openly and honestly. Ghosting isn’t a reflection of your value; it’s a reflection of someone else’s inability to handle connection and communication like an adult. Move on and find someone who appreciates you.
In Summary
Being ghosted stings, but remember that your worth isn’t defined by someone else’s actions. You deserve respect and clear communication in all of your relationships, romantic or otherwise.
Focus on building healthy relationships with people who value mutual respect and open communication. Ghosting says more about the ghoster than it does about you. It’s not a reflection of your value as a person.
So, dust yourself off and move forward with confidence. The future is full of opportunities to connect with people who appreciate you for who you are.