So, you’re thinking about the saying, “If you love something, let it go; if it comes back to you, it’s yours.” Maybe you’re even wondering if the phrase “let him go he’ll come back to you” could actually work.
The idea is that sometimes the best way to potentially bring someone back is to create space. Instead of chasing after him, you strategically shift the dynamic. You’re not necessarily giving up or accepting that it’s over; you’re just changing your approach.
Breakups are painful and confusing. It’s okay to feel lost and uncertain about the future. But what if there was a way to improve the odds of him coming back?
This article will explore how understanding male psychology, focusing on your own self-improvement, and creating strategic distance can increase the chances of your ex realizing what he’s missing and wanting to rekindle the relationship.
Understanding the Psychology Behind “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”
The saying “let him go, he’ll come back to you” seems counterintuitive, right? But there’s actually some solid psychology behind it.
The Psychology of the Hunt
Let’s face it: humans, especially men (though this isn’t exclusively a male thing), are often drawn to what they perceive as a challenge. Think of it as “the hunt.” If someone feels like they’ve already “caught” you, the thrill is gone. When attention is readily available, it can actually diminish attraction.
It’s much more appealing to pursue someone who is actively engaged in their own life, someone who has their own interests, goals, and friends. Someone who isn’t constantly seeking your attention.
Neediness and clinginess are relationship kryptonite. Desperate behavior can push someone away faster than you can say “I miss you.” It signals a lack of self-sufficiency and can make you seem less appealing. Independence, on the other hand, is attractive. It shows you value yourself and your own life.
The Fear of Loss
Distance allows an ex to fully grasp the reality of the breakup. It’s one thing to say “we’re over,” it’s another to actually experience the separation. This realization can lead to a reevaluation of the relationship.
It’s important to demonstrate that you are not passively waiting for them to return. Show them you’re moving on, living your life, and thriving. This can trigger a fear of loss.
Absence can create a void in their life, reminding them of your value and the positive aspects of the relationship. They start to miss your presence, your quirks, your support, and the unique impact you had on their world. This is when they might start to question their decision and consider coming back.
The Power of Self-Improvement: Becoming the Best Version of Yourself
Okay, so you’re focusing on letting go. But letting go doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means redirecting your energy toward yourself. It’s about becoming the best, most fulfilled version of you, whether he comes back or not.
Focusing on Personal Growth
This isn’t some manipulative trick to win him back. This is about you. What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? What goals have you been putting off? Now is the time to dust them off and get to work.
Think about setting some personal goals, both big and small. Want to run a marathon? Start training. Always dreamed of learning Italian? Sign up for a class. The act of setting and achieving goals will boost your confidence and give you a sense of purpose that transcends your relationship status.
And don’t forget to rediscover or pursue hobbies that bring you joy. Join a book club, take a pottery class, volunteer at an animal shelter, learn to code – whatever sparks your interest. Filling your life with activities you enjoy will naturally make you a happier, more interesting person.
Physical and Mental Well-being
Taking care of your physical and mental health is crucial during this time. Exercise isn’t just about looking good (although that’s a nice bonus!); it’s a powerful mood booster and confidence builder. Find an activity you enjoy, whether it’s running, swimming, dancing, or lifting weights, and make it a regular part of your routine.
Equally important is cultivating a positive mindset. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, especially on tough days. Focus on gratitude – what are you thankful for in your life, even amidst the heartbreak? Engage in positive self-talk. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Techniques like meditation and journaling can also be incredibly helpful for improving your mental well-being.
Strategic Use of Social Media
Now, about social media. It can be tempting to use it to subtly (or not-so-subtly) show your ex what he’s missing. But the key here is authenticity. Don’t try too hard. Instead, use social media to genuinely showcase your positive changes and activities. Share photos of you pursuing your hobbies, achieving your goals, and enjoying time with friends. The goal is to present a positive and forward-looking image, not to appear desperate or attention-seeking.
And above all, avoid negativity. Don’t dwell on the past, and don’t post anything that could be interpreted as bitterness or resentment. Maintaining a positive online presence not only makes you more attractive to others, but it also helps you maintain a more positive outlook on life.
The No-Contact Rule: Space for Reflection and Opportunity
The “let him go” advice often comes with a postscript: the no-contact rule. Before initiating that, ask yourself, is a last text right for you? What is it, and how does it work?
What is the no-contact rule?
It’s exactly what it sounds like: a period of absolutely zero communication with your ex. No calls, no texts, no DMs, no liking their Instagram posts, no accidental run-ins (if you can help it). Complete radio silence.
Why is it effective?
Think of it as emotional defogging. After a breakup, everything is murky. Feelings are intense, and it’s hard to see things clearly. The no-contact rule creates space for both of you to process the breakup without adding fuel to the fire. It prevents further emotional entanglement and allows for genuine reflection.
Most importantly, the no-contact rule gives your ex the opportunity to miss you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. It allows them to consider the relationship from a fresh perspective, without your constant presence (or attempts to win them back) clouding their judgment.
Sticking to the No-Contact Rule
This is the hard part. Resisting the urge to reach out can feel excruciating. Here are a few tips:
- Journal your feelings instead of texting them.
- Lean on your friends for support and distractions.
- Engage in activities you enjoy to keep your mind occupied.
- Remind yourself why you’re doing this.
What if your ex reaches out? If you’re considering reaching out first, you might be interested in learning about texts to get him back.
This is a test! Don’t immediately jump back into the old patterns. Respond in a measured, non-committal way. Keep it brief and polite. This shows them you’re not desperate and that you’re respecting the boundaries you’ve set. You might wonder, do guys notice when you stop texting? Understanding their perspective can be helpful. Don’t immediately jump back into the old patterns. Respond in a measured, non-committal way. Keep it brief and polite. This shows them you’re not desperate and that you’re respecting the boundaries you’ve set.
The no-contact rule is about creating space for healing and perspective, not about playing games. But it can be a powerful tool for allowing your ex to truly consider what they’ve lost and whether they want it back.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls: What Not to Do
While you’re giving him space, there are some things you absolutely should not do. These actions can backfire and push him further away, not to mention hurt you in the process.
- Begging and pleading: Resist the urge to beg him to come back. It diminishes your self-respect and makes you seem less attractive.
- Excessive communication with his friends or family: Respect his boundaries and avoid putting his loved ones in an awkward position. Don’t triangulate.
- Publicly displaying your sadness or anger: Keep it classy. Airing your dirty laundry is never a good look. Maintain your composure.
- Badmouthing your ex to others: Venting is okay, but avoid trashing him to everyone you meet. Negativity reflects poorly on you.
- Obsessively checking his social media: Seriously, just don’t. It’s a recipe for heartache. Protect your mental health and avoid unnecessary triggers. Step away from the phone.
Focus on yourself, and let him experience the space he’s created. Trust the process (and maybe mute his social media for a while).
Frequently Asked Questions
Will my ex come back if I let him go?
There’s no guaranteed answer, and it depends heavily on your individual circumstances. Letting go can sometimes create space for him to realize what he’s missing, but it’s not a magic formula. Focus on your own healing and growth, and whether he returns should become secondary to your well-being.
Do guys come back if you let them go?
Some do, some don’t. It’s less about a universal “guy” experience and more about the specifics of your relationship, his personality, and what he’s looking for in life. Letting go can remove pressure and allow him to reassess, but it doesn’t force a return. It’s about giving him (and yourself) the freedom to choose.
What makes a man keep coming back to you?
This is complex! Often, it’s a combination of factors: a strong emotional connection, shared values, genuine attraction, a sense of comfort and security, and the feeling that you “get” him. If he perceives you as irreplaceable and finds happiness being with you, he’s more likely to want to stay. Self-improvement on both sides is also key.
How does a man feel when you let him go?
Again, it varies. He might feel relieved if he was ambivalent. He might feel a pang of regret if he wasn’t entirely sure about the breakup. Or he might not feel much at all. His reaction will depend on his feelings for you, his own emotional maturity, and his reasons for the breakup. The important thing is to prioritize your own healing, regardless of his reaction.
Wrapping Up
So, we’ve covered the basics: understanding the psychology at play, focusing on improving yourself, and creating some strategic distance. Remember, the goal isn’t just to get your ex back; it’s to become a better version of yourself in the process.
Even if he doesn’t come back, you’ll have gained self-respect and a sense of personal growth. You’ll be stronger and more fulfilled, ready for whatever the future holds.
Of course, there are no guarantees in matters of the heart. While these strategies can increase the chances of reconciliation, they’re not a magic formula. The most important thing is to focus on moving forward with your life, regardless of what happens with your ex. You deserve happiness, with or without him.