After an abusive relationship, especially one with a narcissist, going “no contact” can be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it’s often the most important. For a comprehensive guide, see how to go no contact and heal. If you must interact, learning how to disarm a narcissist can be helpful. No contact cuts off the abuser’s ability to control and manipulate you. It’s a vital step to healing and taking back your life.
But let’s be real, no contact is brutal. You’re going to face intense loneliness, confusion, and a powerful urge to reach out, even when you know you shouldn’t. That loneliness isn’t a sign that you’re failing; it’s a sign that you’re processing the trauma. The key is to resist the “hoovering” – those attempts by your abuser to suck you back in.
So, how do you stay strong? That’s where affirmations come in. Affirmations are a powerful tool to fight the negative thoughts, rebuild your self-worth, and reinforce your decision to stay no contact. They help you reconnect with reality, especially after gaslighting and emotional manipulation, and build resilience.
In this article, we’ll dive into how to use affirmations during no contact to reclaim your power. We’ll explore specific affirmations you can use, coping strategies for the tough moments, and self-care practices to nurture yourself as you heal.
Understanding the psychology of no contact and abuse
Before we dive into affirmations, let’s take a hard look at the dynamics of abusive relationships and why “no contact” is often the only way to truly heal.
The Dynamics of Abusive Relationships
Abusive relationships aren’t just about physical violence; they can also involve abusive text messages. They’re rooted in one person’s desire to control another. Abusers use tactics like:
- Emotional blackmail
- Gaslighting
- Smear campaigns
They manipulate with what’s called “FOG” – Fear, Obligation, and Guilt – to keep their partner in line. It’s a constant power play designed to break down your sense of self.
Another insidious element is trauma bonding. This happens when an abuser alternates between love-bombing (intense affection and attention) and abuse. This intermittent reinforcement creates a powerful bond, almost like an addiction. It’s confusing, because you crave the “good” version of the abuser, even though that version is fleeting and often used to manipulate you back into the relationship.
This creates a state of cognitive dissonance. You’re torn between the abuser’s harmful actions and your deep-seated desire for love and connection. This conflict makes it incredibly difficult to leave, even when you know you should.
The Importance of No Contact
That’s why “no contact” is so crucial. It’s the only way to truly break free from this cycle. It’s a radical act of self-preservation.
In some situations, “low contact” might be necessary – for example, if you’re co-parenting. But even then, it needs to be approached with extreme caution and firm boundaries. The goal is to minimize interaction and focus solely on the necessary practicalities.
Ultimately, no contact is about reclaiming your power. It’s about saying, “I deserve to be treated with respect, and I will not tolerate being controlled or abused any longer.” Every moment of silence, every boundary you set, is a shield against further psychological harm.
It’s important to understand that when abusers reach out, it’s not because they genuinely care about you. It’s because they miss controlling you, they miss mistreating you. Your absence disrupts their power dynamic, and they’ll try to suck you back in to regain that control. Remember that, and let it fuel your resolve to stay strong.
Affirmations for strength and resilience
Going no contact can be rough. You’ll have moments of intense longing and doubt. To help you weather the storm, try using affirmations. These are positive statements you repeat to yourself to reinforce your strength and worth.
Here are some affirmations you can use to keep yourself on track:
Affirmations for self-worth and deservingness
- “I have a right to be free from abuse. Every human being has that right and I do, too.”
This affirmation is about reminding yourself of your basic human rights. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Abuse is never okay, and you have the right to walk away from it.
- “I deserve so much more than to be an emotional punching bag.”
This affirmation helps you recognize that you are worthy of love, happiness, and fulfillment. You are not someone’s doormat. Reject any attempts to devalue you.
- “I am worthy, I am beautiful (or handsome), I am brave, I am strong, I am fearless.”
Repeat these affirmations daily to build your self-esteem and confidence. Focus on your positive qualities and strengths. These are the things that make you, you.
Affirmations for inner strength and empowerment
- “No one can take away the power I have within me.”
This is a reminder that you are capable and resilient. Tap into your inner strength to overcome challenges and stay the course.
- “My will is stronger than an abuser’s attempts to bully me.”
This affirmation helps you assert your determination to resist manipulation and control. Visualize yourself standing strong in the face of adversity. You’ve got this.
- “I am stronger than empty threats.”
Recognize that the abuser’s threats are often designed to instill fear. Don’t let them scare you. Refuse to be intimidated or controlled by their words.
- “I will defend and protect myself, no matter what.”
Your safety and well-being are paramount. Be prepared to take action to protect yourself from harm, whether that means blocking a number, changing your locks, or something else.
Affirmations for perseverance and hope
- “I never give up; I keep going.”
The healing process takes time and effort. Commit to persevering through difficult moments. You’ll get through this.
- “Each second, each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year, I am getting stronger.”
Track your progress and celebrate your milestones. Each day you stay no contact is a victory, big or small.
- “Leaving (or being left) was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made that happen.”
Reframe the ending of the relationship as a positive turning point. Acknowledge your agency in creating a better future for yourself. You’re in charge of your life now.
Combating Negative Thoughts and Urges
No contact is hard. It’s designed to be. It forces you to confront all the reasons you stayed in a relationship that wasn’t good for you. It’s a crucible of self-reflection, and that means you’re going to have to fight against the urge to go back.
Identifying and Challenging Negative Thought Patterns
Abusive relationships rely on twisting your thoughts and feelings. They rely on what psychologists call “cognitive distortions,” which are basically lies you tell yourself. Here are a few:
- Catastrophizing: Thinking the worst possible outcome will happen.
- Black-and-white thinking: Seeing things as only good or bad, with no in-between.
- Personalization: Believing you’re responsible for things that aren’t your fault.
When you catch yourself thinking this way, challenge it! Ask yourself: is this really true? Is there another way to look at this? Question your assumptions and beliefs.
Another common tactic of abusers is gaslighting. They try to make you doubt your own sanity and memories. They deny things that happened, or they twist events to make you feel like you’re crazy.
In these moments, it’s vital to reaffirm your own reality with an affirmation. Say to yourself: “I trust my own reality. I know and trust what I experienced and felt. I validate myself.” It can also help to document instances of abuse to validate your experiences and keep you grounded.
Managing Urges to Break No Contact
Let’s be real: you’re going to want to reach out. Especially in the early days. That’s normal. It’s often driven by trauma bonding – that addictive cycle of abuse and reconciliation that keeps you hooked. You’re also craving validation from the person who hurt you, which is a twisted but very real desire.
So, what do you do when that urge hits? Distract yourself! Make a list of healthy distractions before you need them. Exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones – anything that brings you joy and relaxation.
Mindfulness can also be a powerful tool. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Acknowledge the urge, but don’t act on it. Accept that these feelings are temporary and will eventually pass. And, of course, use affirmations to reinforce your commitment to no contact.
Self-care and empowerment during no contact
No contact isn’t just about cutting off communication. It’s about reclaiming you. It’s about building a fortress around your heart and soul, a place where their poison can’t reach.
Prioritizing mental and physical well-being
This is ground zero for your recovery. You need to treat yourself with the same care and compassion you’d offer a dear friend (or maybe even better!).
- Therapy and Support Groups: Find a therapist specializing in abuse recovery. Seriously. This isn’t a “tough it out” situation. You deserve professional guidance. Connect with support groups, too. Sharing your story with others who get it is incredibly powerful.
- Self-Care Practices: Schedule self-care like it’s a vital appointment. Exercise, healthy food, meditation, journaling, nature walks—whatever fills your cup. Remember, “My mental health is my number one priority.” Write it on your mirror. Tattoo it on your soul.
Staying sane is more important than being validated by an abuser. Let that sink in.
Rebuilding your identity and life
They tried to erase you, to mold you into someone you weren’t. Now’s the time to rediscover (or invent!) the real you.
- Setting Boundaries: Boundaries are your armor. Learn to say “no” without guilt. Enforce your boundaries consistently and assertively. No explanations needed.
- Pursuing Your Passions and Goals: What makes your heart sing? What have you always wanted to do? Reconnect with your interests and set new goals. Focus on personal growth and self-discovery. I am my own best friend. I am my own best advocate. Believe that.
- Building a Support Network: Surround yourself with people who lift you higher, not drag you down. Cultivate healthy relationships with friends, family, and mentors. I love myself. Truly and always, I love myself. And for the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first.
Embracing your inner badass
This is where you tap into your power. The power they tried to steal.
- I am a motherfcking badass. I can survive anything. And I will thrive. Embrace your strength and resilience. Believe in your ability to overcome any obstacle.
- Focus on your success as their karma. Let your healing journey and accomplishments be the ultimate payback. Living well is the best revenge, remember?
- I am the life source. I am the Light. Without me, there is nothing to feed on. Recognize your inherent worth and power. Refuse to let the abuser dim your light. You are radiant.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do affirmations work if you don’t say them out loud?
While saying affirmations aloud can amplify their impact through auditory and vocal engagement, they can still be effective when practiced silently. The key is the focused intention and emotional connection you bring to the affirmation, regardless of whether it’s spoken or thought. Visualizing and feeling the affirmation’s truth can be just as powerful as verbalizing it.
What are some affirmations to move on from a breakup?
Affirmations to move on from a breakup should focus on self-love, healing, and future possibilities. Examples include: “I am worthy of love and happiness,” “I release the past and embrace the future,” “I am strong and resilient, and I will heal,” “I am open to new love and opportunities,” and “I am complete and whole within myself.” Tailor these to resonate with your specific needs and feelings.
What are some daily affirmations after cheating?
Affirmations after cheating, whether you were the one who cheated or were cheated on, should address healing, forgiveness, and rebuilding trust (with yourself or others). Examples include: “I am committed to honesty and integrity,” “I am learning from my mistakes and growing stronger,” “I forgive myself/my partner and choose to move forward,” “I deserve to be in a loving and trusting relationship,” and “I am building a foundation of trust and respect.” These are sensitive situations, so focus on affirmations that promote self-compassion and growth.
Can you manifest by saying affirmations?
Affirmations can be a powerful tool for manifestation, but they’re most effective when combined with aligned action and a clear vision. Simply repeating affirmations without taking steps towards your goals may not yield the desired results. Use affirmations to cultivate a positive mindset, increase your belief in your ability to achieve your goals, and inspire you to take action towards manifesting your desires.
In Conclusion
Healing from abuse takes time. Be patient with yourself, and remember that it’s okay to have good days and bad days. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small it might seem.
Affirmations can be a game-changer in rebuilding your self-worth, fostering resilience, and empowering yourself. Make it a daily habit. It’s a simple yet powerful tool for reclaiming your narrative.
You deserve a life filled with love, joy, and respect. Don’t settle for anything less. Embrace the future with hope and optimism, knowing that you are capable of creating a better tomorrow.
If you’re a survivor of abuse, please know that you’re not alone. Healing is absolutely possible, and there are resources available to help you on your journey. Reach out, connect with others, and never give up on yourself. You are stronger than you think, and you deserve all the good things life has to offer. Keep going.