Ghosting happens when someone you’re talking to suddenly stops communicating, similar to being ignored over text. You might have been on a few dates, or maybe you’d just been chatting online. Either way, they vanish without a word, leaving you wondering what went wrong.
This can be really hurtful and confusing. It’s hard not to take it personally, and it can leave you feeling rejected and unsure of yourself.
But what happens when the ghoster comes back? What do you do when they suddenly reappear in your inbox as if nothing happened?
It’s a tricky situation, and there are a lot of different ways you could respond. In this article, we’ll explore some of those options and help you figure out what to say when a ghoster comes back – if anything at all.
Understanding the ghoster’s perspective
It’s tempting to write off a ghoster as a jerk and move on (and sometimes, that’s exactly the right call!), or consider how to mess with someone who ghosted you without revenge. But before you fire off a response (or decide to ignore them altogether), it can be helpful to consider why they might have ghosted you in the first place, and why they’re now back.
Potential reasons for ghosting (and returning)
- Fear of confrontation: Some people absolutely hate conflict. For them, it’s easier to vanish than to have an honest, potentially uncomfortable conversation.
- Feeling overwhelmed: Life can get crazy! Sometimes external stressors or personal issues can lead someone to ghost as a temporary escape.
- Lack of maturity or communication skills: Let’s face it, ghosting can be a sign of immaturity. It suggests an inability to handle relationships in a responsible, adult way.
- Genuine regret: Believe it or not, sometimes the ghoster actually does realize they messed up. They might genuinely want to apologize and try again.
Why understanding matters
Even a little bit of understanding can be surprisingly helpful.
- It helps manage expectations: Knowing the potential motivations behind the ghosting can help you avoid getting your hopes up or being blindsided again.
- It informs your response: Understanding why someone ghosted can influence whether you even want to engage with them again.
INITIAL REACTIONS: MANAGING YOUR EMOTIONS
So, they’re back. After weeks, months, maybe even years of silence, a ghoster has reappeared. What do you do? First, breathe. It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. Anger, hurt, confusion, even a strange sense of relief – all are valid reactions.
Don’t bottle up those feelings or try to pretend they don’t exist. Acknowledge them. Then, take a step back. Resist the urge to fire off a scathing text or immediately welcome them back with open arms. This is a time for careful consideration, not impulsive action.
Talk to a trusted friend, a family member, or even a therapist. Get some support and perspective before you respond. Resist the urge to immediately forgive or condemn. Stay neutral until you have more information and have thought about what you want.
Questions to ask yourself before responding
So, the ghoster is back. They’ve texted, called, or messaged, and you’re trying to figure out what to do next, especially if he only texts you. Before you respond, ask yourself a few questions.
What are your needs and boundaries?
Take a minute to think about what you need from a relationship. What are your values? What are your expectations? Do you have any dealbreakers? What are the things you absolutely won’t put up with?
Write them down if it helps. Having a clear idea of your needs and boundaries will help you decide whether it’s worth engaging with the ghoster again.
Are you willing to hear their explanation?
Are you even open to hearing why they ghosted you in the first place? Are you ready to listen to their perspective without immediately judging them? Can you accept their explanation, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it?
Be realistic about your ability to move past their actions. If you’re still angry or hurt, it might not be the right time to engage.
What are your expectations for the future?
Do you actually want to rebuild a relationship with this person? Be honest with yourself about your desire for reconciliation. Are you prepared for the possibility that they might ghost you again? Consider the risk of repeating the past. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to move on and not give them a second chance.
Crafting your response: Options and phrasing
So, the ghoster is back. Now what? Here are a few options for how to respond.
Option 1: Ignore the ghoster
Sometimes, the best response is no response.
You might want to ignore the ghoster if:
- You’ve moved on and are happy.
- You simply don’t trust them anymore.
- You feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
How do you ignore someone gracefully? Simple: Don’t respond. Block them on social media, block their texts, and move on with your life.
Option 2: Acknowledge them, but set boundaries
You might want to acknowledge the ghoster’s return without getting deeply involved. Here are a few phrases to use:
- “I received your message. I’m not sure I’m ready to talk.”
- “Thanks for reaching out, but I need some time to think about this.”
If you do decide to engage, set clear expectations. Here are a few phrases to use:
- “Before we talk, I need to understand why you disappeared.”
- “I’m willing to hear you out, but I need to know this won’t happen again.”
Option 3: Engage in a conversation (with caution)
If you’re feeling brave, you might want to engage in a conversation. Be careful, though. Protect your heart.
Here are some clarifying questions to ask:
- “Can you explain why you stopped communicating?”
- “What has changed since then?”
It’s okay to express your feelings, too. Try these phrases:
- “I was hurt when you ghosted me.”
- “It made me feel like my feelings didn’t matter.”
Finally, if you decide to give them another chance, set consequences for future behavior. Something like:
- “If you disappear again, I won’t be open to reconnecting.”
Red Flags to Watch Out For
So, the ghoster is back. Should you welcome them with open arms? Maybe. But proceed with caution and keep an eye out for these red flags:
- Lack of Accountability: Do they own their ghosting behavior, or do they make excuses?
- Vague or Insincere Apologies: Does their apology sound forced, like they are just saying what you want to hear?
- Blaming Others: Are they blaming their behavior on external factors or other people?
- Love Bombing: Are they showering you with excessive attention and flattery to win you back? This can be a manipulation tactic.
If you see these red flags, proceed with extreme caution. Their behavior may be a pattern, and you could be setting yourself up for more heartache.
In Summary
Ultimately, the choice of how to respond when a ghoster reappears is yours. There’s no right or wrong answer, and there’s no need to feel pressured to respond a certain way.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, pay attention. Don’t ignore red flags just because you’re excited someone is reaching out again.
Focus on your own healing and personal growth, regardless of whether you choose to reconnect. Prioritize your emotional well-being above all else.
And remember your worth. You deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. Never settle for less.