So, you’re in a “situationship.” What’s that? It’s kind of like a relationship, but not really. It lacks all the things that make a relationship a relationship: commitment, boundaries, and clear expectations, which can sometimes feel like benching in a relationship.
Situationships are ambiguous by design, and that can be frustrating. That’s why closure is important for your emotional well-being. Closure can give you the understanding and acceptance you need to release negative emotions, heal, and move on.
But how do you get closure from something that was never clearly defined in the first place? How do you ask for closure from a situationship?
In this article, we’ll explore the ins and outs of seeking closure in these tricky, undefined relationships.
Recognizing the Need for Closure
So, the situationship is over. How do you know you need closure? Well, you might be experiencing some of the following:
- You keep wondering why things ended.
- You’re finding it hard to move on or connect with new people.
- You can’t stop thinking about the other person.
Situationships are tough because there was no formal commitment, so asking for closure can feel weird, especially if an ex situationship wants to be friends. The other person might not even get why you need closure or be willing to give it to you.
But here’s the thing: your feelings are valid. Even if there was no “official” relationship, it’s normal to feel sad or lost when it ends. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re overreacting.
Preparing to ask for closure: Setting realistic expectations
Before you start the conversation, keep these points in mind:
Accepting the potential outcomes
You may not get the answers you’re looking for. The other person may not want to talk about it, or they may not be able to give you a good explanation, particularly if he lost feelings and wants to be friends.
Defining your needs
Clarify what you hope to gain from the conversation. Do you want to know why things ended? Do you want someone to validate your feelings? Do you want an apology or an acknowledgement of what you went through?
Think about what you will and won’t accept during the conversation. What are your boundaries?
Initiating the Conversation: How to Ask for Closure Respectfully
Okay, you’ve decided closure is the right move for you. Here’s how to start the conversation in a way that’s respectful and productive.
Choosing the Right Time and Place
Think about where you’ll both feel most comfortable and safe. A public place might feel safer, but a private place might allow for a more open conversation. Also, consider whether the other person seems available and willing to talk. Catching them at a bad time could derail the whole process.
Framing Your Request
Be clear and direct about what you want: closure. Don’t beat around the bush, but definitely avoid language that sounds like you’re laying blame. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings calmly and respectfully. For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling [emotion] since things ended, and I’d appreciate the chance to talk about it and get some closure.”
Active Listening and Empathy
This is crucial. When they’re talking, really listen. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Practice empathy. Let them express their feelings without interrupting, unless the conversation starts to become abusive or harmful. Remember, closure is a two-way street, and it requires both of you to be heard.
Navigating the Conversation: What to Do and What to Avoid
Asking for closure from a situationship isn’t always easy. Here’s how to navigate the conversation:
- Use “I” statements. Focus on expressing your feelings and experiences without blaming or accusing the other person.
- Be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. The other person’s perspective may be different from yours, and they may not see things the same way.
- Avoid arguments. Stay focused on getting closure, not rehashing old issues or starting new fights.
- Know when to end the conversation. If things get too heated or unproductive, it’s okay to walk away.
- Set boundaries. If you need to, establish clear boundaries to avoid future contact.
Closure in a relationship looks different for everyone. It might mean understanding why things ended, accepting the situation, or simply moving on. The important thing is to find what works best for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to kindly end a situationship
Kindness is key. Be direct but gentle. Acknowledge the good aspects of your time together while clearly stating your needs aren’t being met. Avoid blaming the other person; focus on your own feelings and desires. Something like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m looking for something more defined, and I don’t think we’re aligned in that way,” can work.
How do you get closure from a situationship?
Closure often comes from within, but seeking clarity from the other person can help. Reflect on your experiences, acknowledge your feelings, and identify what you need to move forward. Journaling, talking to trusted friends, or even seeking therapy can provide valuable insights.
How do you politely ask for closure?
Politeness is paramount. Frame your request as a desire to understand their perspective and gain clarity for yourself. Avoid accusatory language or demands. Try something like, “I was hoping we could talk briefly about our time together. I’m trying to process things, and I value your perspective.”
What to say when asking for closure?
Be specific about what you need. Do you need to understand why things didn’t progress? Do you need to express your feelings? Focus on “I” statements to avoid placing blame. For instance, “I felt confused when things shifted, and I’m hoping you can shed some light on what happened from your point of view,” or “I realized I needed something different, and I wanted to communicate that to you.”
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, closure is something you create for yourself. Even if the other person refuses to give you the answers you seek, you can still find closure through honest self-reflection, acceptance of the situation, and focusing on your own growth.
Be kind to yourself and remember that it’s okay to feel however you feel. Allow yourself time to heal, and practice some self-forgiveness for any perceived missteps.
Lean on your support system. Talk to friends, family, or consider working with a therapist. They can help you navigate the process and work through your feelings to find the closure you deserve.